


Down is Faster than Up

by LoneStar_118



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Hurt Kelly Severide, Hurt Matthew Casey, Hurt Stella Kidd, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Worried Matthew Casey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneStar_118/pseuds/LoneStar_118
Summary: Casey, Severide, Ritter, and Gallo end up trapped in the bottom level of a collapsed underground parking garage. Oh yeah, and it's flooding.
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 52
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

Casey wakes up to the scream of his pass device in his ear, it’s loud and blaring and makes the splitting headache he already has about a hundred times worse. The noise is head splitting- like someone driving a stake into his head. Protocol is to leave the thing going, but the noise is too unbearable for him to give a damn about protocol so he grabs the sensor hanging from the shoulder strap of his air pack and gives it a good shake effectively shutting the damn thing up. With his pass device no longer going off right in his ear, it doesn’t take him long to realize his wasn’t the only one going off. There’s a couple others chirping loudly and echoing off the walls of the pocket of rubble around him; it’s eerie and terrifying, and dread settle’s over Matt like a storm cloud. His people are down, and he needs to find them.

Casey groans and forces himself upright, his head still spinning, and the little that he can see in the beam of his flashlight is blurry; he can’t tell if it’s from the hit to his head or from all the dust in the air stinging his eyes and making them burn. He blinks a couple times trying to clear his watery eyes and shines his flashlight around surveying the pocket of rubble he’s in and trying to pinpoint exactly where everyone is.It’d been him, Ritter, Gallo and Severide on the bottom sublevel of the parking garage.

“Captain, that you?” It’s Gallo’s shaky voice that calls out to him in the darkness as the other pass devices still chirping are silenced, and a second and third flashlight beam join Matt’s in illuminating the darkness.

“Gallo?” Casey calls, squinting across their little catacomb in the rubble. He can see the vague shape of two firefighters sitting up in the far corner, but his blurry vision prevents him from making out their faces.

“Yeah, Ritter’s right here with me too,” Gallo replies. “We’re both okay.”

Matt sighs in relief. The two rookies are too young to be getting hurt on the job, not to mention he’s pretty sure both Herrmann and Mouch would strangle him if anything happened to Ritter.

“Severide over there too?” Casey calls squeezing his eyes shut for a second trying to get the spinning dizzy sensation to go away.

“No,” Gallo calls back as him and Ritter stand up and begin to work their way through the bits of rubble, bridging the gap between them and Matt. 

A shot of panic shoots up Casey’s spine, apart from the rustling noises being made by Gallo and Ritter, their little pocket of space in the rubble is silent. There’s been no sound from Severide, not even his pass device, which means either it’s broken or he’s buried under so much rubble that Casey just can’t hear it.

“Severide!?” Casey shouts, and the dusty air he takes in burns his throat and lungs. He leans forward as coughing fit takes over which only makes things worse as he brings in more dusty air that sends him spiraling into a worse coughing fit.

“Take it easy Captain,” Gallo says and presses his SCBA mask over Casey’s face. The bottled air is dry and stale, but it’s clean and doesn’t make him feel like his lungs are being shredded by every breath he takes.

“We gotta find Severide,” he wheezes and pushes the mask away from his face.

“We will. Just breathe for a minute,” Gallo argues and shoves the mask back in Casey’s face.

“I’m fine Gallo,” Matt argues and shoves the mask away from his face again. It’s not exactly true; he’s starting to notice the sensation of something warm and sticky dripping down the back of his neck, which is most likely blood from where he hit his head. And he’s not even remotely okay with the fact that his best friend is still lost somewhere in all this rubble.

“Casey! Severide! Report!.” 

Casey winces at the sound of Boden’s voice crackling in over the radio next to his ear, it’s louder than either Gallo or Ritter’s voices have been this whole time and it sends his head spinning again.

“Report!” The chief’s voice comes again.

“I’ve got Ritter and Gallo,” Casey says into the radio on his shoulder. He’s not really sure why it just now decided to start picking up a signal, but it doesn’t much matter to him. “We can’t find Severide.”

“We’ll look for him,” Ritter whispers quietly to Casey before him and Gallo shuffle off.

“Where are you?” Boden replies, he sounds relieved and Casey can’t make himself understand why. Severide is missing and probably crushed under a couple tons of concrete.

“South corner of the building, we were at sublevel five,” Casey replies.

Matt catches the chief’s discouraged sigh right before he replies. “Do you have any clear path up and out?”

“I don’t know,” Casey mumbles and looks around the open space around him. It doesn’t matter if there’s a way out, Severide is still down here somewhere and he’s not going anywhere until he finds him. “We gotta find Sev-”

“Captain Casey! Over here!” a shout from Ritter interrupts Matt and makes his stomach do an uncomfortable flip. Ritter sounds more panicked than anything else. “I found him!”

“Hang on, chief,” Casey says, closing off his conversation with Boden in a hurry, to rush to where both Ritter and Gallo are digging in the rubble, the beams of their flashlights dancing around wildly as they dig.

By the time Matt reaches them they have Severide’s head chest and arms unburied, but there's a massive slab of concrete laying across the middle of his body, crushing him.

“Sev?” Casey chokes, sinking to his knees on the hard ground next to his best friend. He’s a bloody dirty mess.

“He still has a pulse,” Gallo reports putting a reassuring hand on Casey’s shoulder. The kid has his brave face on, but Casey can tell he’s scared. Ritter too. He can see it in their eyes.

“Severide, buddy, I need you to wake up,” Casey says quietly and wipes some of the blood away from Kelly’s face with his glove.

“Casey, this thing isn’t going to move,” Ritter whispers, almost like he’s scared to report bad news as he gestures to the piece of concrete crushing Severide. “There’s another bigger piece laying on one end of it…”

Casey closes his eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh after taking one look at the other beam of concrete Ritter pointed out. It’s supporting a good portion of the rubble above them that’s just waiting for an excuse to come down. Even if they were strong enough to move it, it’d bring the whole structure down on top of them, effectively burying the rest of them and doing nothing to help Severide. Frankly Matt can’t even figure out how the piece of concrete on top him hasn’t already crushed him in half, there’s nothing obvious stopping from hitting the ground all the way, and it’s definitely big enough and heavy enough that it could just cut Severide in half, but there’s something there because Severide is still one piece.

“We found Severide,” Casey reports into his radio, hoping he can still get a signal out to Boden. “He’s pinned down pretty good. I’m sending Gallo and Ritter to find a way up and out of here.”

“What?!” Ritter and Gallo say in unison, shocked indignant looks on their scared young faces.

Casey holds up one hand and silences them as he waits for the chief’s response.

“How bad is Severide’s condition?” Boden asks, his tone grave.

Casey glances from Severide to Ritter and Gallo and then stands up and walks a couple paces away from them. 

“It’s not good Chief,” he says, keeping his voice low. “Severide’s out cold and I don’t see any way to move the thing crushing him off. Maybe with some extrication tools but we don’t have any down here.”

“I want all three of you to come up,” Boden replies after a couple seconds of silence. The tone of his voice tells Casey just how much he didn’t want to say what he just said.

“I can’t do that, chief,” Casey replies calmly. The very suggestion of leaving Severide to die alone down here is absolutely insane and is never going to happen. But there’s no point in yelling at Boden about it, because the hard cold truth of the matter is, he’s not down here and he can’t make Casey obey the order, and so, in this particular case the order means jack to Casey. “I’ll send Ritter and Gallo to find a way out, but with all due respect I’m not leaving Severide and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I’m staying with him until you can get help down to us.”

“Casey, it’s more complicated than that,” Boden replies gruffly. He has to know Matt isn’t going to budge on this. There’s next to nothing in this world that he would abandon Severide for, not even his job.

“It’s not really-” Casey starts to say, but Boden interrupts him.

“Casey, that basement you’re in shares a wall with the river.”

“So?”

“The collapse damaged that wall,” Boden replies. “There’s water coming in from the ground level, and it’s only got one place to go.”

“You’re saying where we are is going to get flooded?” Casey breathes and glances over at Severide and the two rookies crouching next to him.

“Yes, the leak isn’t too bad right now, but it’s going to get worse and nobody can get in to fix it yet. You guys have to get out of there.”

“I’m sorry chief, but I’m sticking to my original plan. I’ll send Ritter and Gallo to work their way up to the surface, but I’m not leaving Severide. Not while he’s still alive.”

“I know,” Boden says understandingly with an odd kind of defeat in his tone, that Casey’s never heard before. Not even when Otis died.

“Casey, I think he’s waking up!” Gallo calls.

Casey scrambles back across the rubble toward them, the sudden rapid movement makes the throbbing in his worse, and for a staggering second he thinks he’s going to pass out as everything spins into a dizzying swirl of color. He barely makes to Severide before falling down, it’s all he can do to stop himself from grunting in pain as his knees hit the hard rough ground, his bunker pants doing little to nothing to cushion him. He ignores the pain and the pounding pain in his head and grabs one of Severide’s hands.

“Hey, Sev. I’m right here,” he says comfortingly as he looks over his friend. And for the first time he notices a small pool of blood under the squad lieutenant's back.

“Were you serious about making us leave?” Gallo asks after a couple seconds of silence when Severide doesn’t respond.

“Yes,” Casey says without taking his eyes off Severide’s bloody face. “You two need to go. Find away out of here and then bring back help if you can.”

“But-”

“No buts. That’s an order. I’ll be fine down here with Severide. Go now.”

“Yes sir,” Ritter says without arguing and stands up.

“We’re not leaving you guys!” Gallo protests indignantly.

“Yes you are,” Casey growls firmly and glares up at him.

Gallo opens his mouth like he’s about to keep arguing, but Ritter grabs him by the shoulder and cuts him off. “Let’s go. We’ll be of more help finding a way out so we can lead help back down. Besides. Captain Casey knows what he’s doing.”

Gallo hesitates, but when Ritter puts his hand on his shoulder and tugs him toward what looks like the best route out of the little catacomb of rubble he doesn’t argue or fight back.

“You two be careful,” Casey calls after them before turning his attention back to Severide. He’s a little nervous about sending Gallo and Ritter off on their own, but they’re smart and know how to take care of themselves. They’ll be okay. 

***

Matt’s not sure exactly how long he’s been sitting alone with Severide before he notices the puddle of blood under his back is getting bigger. He can’t tell where it’s coming from. Chances are it’s from somewhere crushed under the slab of rubble, in which case there’s no way for him to get to it to slow it down. The only thing he can really do for Severide is try to make him as comfortable as possible while they wait for Gallo and Ritter to come back with help.

Casey takes off his coat and folds it up into a pillow shape to slide under Kelly’s bloody head.

“Casey… that you…?” Severide mumbles quietly, taking Matt by surprise. He wasn’t really expecting Severide to actually wake up, frankly up until this point he wasn’t really expecting to ever hear his best friend say anything ever again.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” Matt replies, forcing calm into his voice as he finishes sliding his coat under Severide’s head. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re bleeding,” Severide comments and a couple of drops of blood slip down from the corner of his mouth confirming Casey’s fear that he’s bleeding internally. It’s not a surprise really, mostly just discouraging; he’d been hoping that by some miracle his fears were wrong.

“I’m bleeding? You’re seriously worried about me right now?” Casey replies trying to sound light and nonchalant for Severide’s sake.

“Someone’s gotta be, and we both know it’s not gonna be you,” Kelly coughs around a mouthful of blood.

Matt closes his eyes unable to make himself watch as Severide spits up more blood. He’s seen internal bleeding like this before, a lot of times actually, and he was able to shake it off and keep it together, but right now it’s different. It’s his best friend who he’s been fighting fires with for nearly 15 years being crushed and coughing up blood. He can’t watch, not right this minute anyway; he can’t watch another friend die right in front of him.

“It’s bad, huh?” Severide says knowingly, and grabs Casey by the wrist, making him open his eyes again. He wonders if Kelly can even feel the thing crushing him; he’s not convinced Severide’s back isn’t broken and if it is, it’d explain why he doesn’t seem to be in too much pain. But it could also just be an extremely delayed reaction because the reality of it all hasn’t set in yet. Matt’s seen that happen a lot too, people not really reacting in pain until they actually realize just how badly they’re hurt. 

“I’ve seen worse,” Casey replies, trying to sound reassuring as he squeezes Severide’s hand. He’s definitely seen worse, but he’s never seen anyone survive worse. In fact he’s seen people in a lot better condition die

“Your poker face sucks, Matt,” Severide says with a strained cough, and groans in pain. “That’s why I always take all your money.”

“Just take it easy, okay?”

“Gah, son of a bitch,” Severide groans in pain and tries to sit up, blood dripping down his chin as he does so.

“Stay down,” Casey says and gently eases Severide back down. “Moving around’s just going to make it worse.”

“I don’t think this can get much worse,” he chokes, his face scrunching up in pain. He’s starting to sweat, and his face has gone pale- or paler, Casey can see in his eyes that he’s starting to feel it. “Just tell me what I’m dealing with.”

“Sev-”

“Casey please,” Severide chokes, barely forming the words around gasps of pain. He tries lifting his head again, but flops back weakly, panting heavily after only a couple seconds and groaning loudly in pain

“Fine,” Casey breathes. “Fine.”

“GAhh, fuck,” Severide growls and starts to squirm like he’s trying to wiggle free. Every time he moves he groans louder from the pain. Whatever adrenaline or shock that was seemingly keeping Severide from feeling the massive slab of concrete crushing him seems to be wearing off now, and he’s panicking. Matt can see it in his pained expression. Severide’s trapped good and he’s starting to realize it. “Casey-”

“Sev, try to breathe.”

“Casey…” Kelly pleads weakly trying to sit up again.

“Severide, you gotta stop moving,” Matt says urgently, and tries to ease Severide back down, but the squad lieutenant resists and keeps struggling. Each second that he spends struggling the worse the pained expression on his pale face gets and he starts coughing up more blood.

“I can’t breathe- Casey.-” his words are short and strained and he breaks off into ragged gasps of pain before finally collapsing back down, choking on his own blood. He keeps grabbing at the concrete crushing, but his movements are more weak and desperate than anything else.

“It’s okay, I got you,” Matt says and pulls Severide’s head into his lap, holding him close with one arm and reaching for one of Kelly’s hands with the other. “I got you, I’m right here. Just breathe.”

Severide tights his grip on Matt’s hand, squeezing the life out of it, and then he screams. It’s not a high pitched wail, it’s lower- more like a loud agonized groan.

“Kelly you gotta breathe,” Casey says as calmly as he can. “Okay? Breathe in, hold it… breathe out…”

Severide nods his head a little as he sucks in a breath and holds it; there are tears in his eyes as he looks up at Matt and lets the breath out slowly.

“See just like that,” Matt soothes and fails to stop his voice from quivering. “And you can keep squeezing my hand. I can take it.”

“that thing’s not moving… is it,” Severide gasps, gesturing to the concrete beam crushing him. “It’s too heavy… right?”

“I’m sorry Sev.” Casey doesn’t know what else to say. He can’t move the beam, he can’t get Severide out of here, he can’t even do anything to help take his pain away. He’s completely useless; there’s absolutely nothing he can do other than sit here and watch him die.

“It’s okay,” Severide mumbles letting out a shaky breath. “I’m hurt too much… for- for it to matter anyway… right?”

“Kelly I-”

“Just give it to me straight…” Severide gulps, sucking in a short breath.

“It’s crushing your lower abdomen and pelvis, and you’re bleeding internally and externally Sev,” Casey explains as simply as he can. “And I don’t know if the bleeding’s just from crush injuries, or if you got stabbed on something.”

Severide closes his eyes and nods his head, keeping his lips pursed tightly.

“Even if I could get the concrete off you, taking the pressure off might just make you bleed out. I’m sorry Kelly. I don’t know what to do here.”

“Take care of Stella for me…” Severide mumbles. “And the baby…”

“Sev-”

“Please Matt,” Severide begs and looks up at him with pain and tear filled eyes. “Please.”

Casey wants to tell him to stop, to not talk like that, that there’s still hope and that he still might be able to find a way to get them both out of this mess alive, but seems pointless. It might make Kelly  _ want  _ to hang on longer, but that’s not going to save him, it’s not going to make him actually be able to hang on longer. He doesn’t need to be told lies right now, he just needs to know Casey’s listening to him. So that’s what Matt’s going to do.

“We’ll all take care of them,” Matt says, clutching Severide’s gloved hand, his grip is starting to lose its strength. “We all will.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Kelly,” Matt says firmly. “They’ll be okay.”

***

“Are we really doing this?” Gallo asks after they’ve been climbing for a while. It feels like an eternity since they left Casey and Severide, but they’ve barely made it up one sublevel which means they still have at least another four levels worth of concrete to climb their way up. And once they get through that they still have to navigate through all the surface level debris. It’s going to take them all day to get out of this mess, and that’s if they're lucky; there’s no way they make it out of this, get help, and get back down to Casey and Severide before Severide dies from his injuries. Gallo despises every step he takes or every diagonal beam he scrambles up, because each one puts more distance between him and his captain, between him and two people who need his help, between him and his family. He’s following an order, but he feels like a coward. He feels like he’s back hiding in that closet as his family and house burn around him.

“No,” Ritter says, sitting down on a piece of rubble a couple feet above Gallo’s head to wait for him to catch up. Blake’s kind of under the impression that Ritter missed his calling; he’s a quick climber, quicker than Blake which is saying something. For not the first time, and certainly not the last, Gallo thinks Ritter should switch over to truck.

“Then what exactly are we doing?” Blake asks, pulling himself up next to Ritter.

“We’re looking for cars, so we can hopefully find a jack,” Ritter says like his plan’s been obvious all along.

“And when were you planning on telling me that?” Gallo snorts.

“When I found a car.”

“Casey’ll strangle us both,” Gallo warns.

“And you care about that?” Ritter asks skeptically, cocking one eyebrow and giving Gallo a judgmental look.

“Not at all. I was just making sure didn’t,” Gallo replies, looking around them. There’s not a single car anywhere in sight, which seems like just his luck. He’s trapped in a collapsed parking garage with no cars in it. He’s also not sure that even if they do manage to find a car with a jack in it, it’ll actually solve all their problems. He’d gotten a good look at both Lieutenant Severide and the beam crushing him; the thing had definitely crushed his pelvis and caused other catastrophic internal damage that’d make it dangerous to move him- deadly even. And he’s pretty sure he saw a couple pieces of rebar in the piece of concrete, and their only trajectory was through Severide… They’re probably what stopped the concrete from crushing him all the way.

“Dude, what’s that look for?” Ritter asks, looking at Gallo with concern in his eyes.

“You didn’t see the rebar?” Gallo asks slowly, trying to avoid eye contact with Ritter, who holds his gaze.

“We could pack the wounds once we get him out,” he offers quietly, but it’s a weak suggestion, one that’s given more out determination not to give up than out of actual logic.

“And then what? How would we even go about moving him?” Gallo asks, shaking his head. “His back’s probably broken and moving him would probably just-”

“We’re not giving up, Gallo,” Ritter says sharply, cutting him off. “Our Captain’s down there alone with his best friend, staying there mostly just to make sure he doesn’t die alone. If we don’t do anything, lieutenant Severide dies down there. If we try something than maybe he still dies down there, but at least we still tried something. I thought you of all people would come to the same conclusion.”

Before Gallo can say anything else, Ritter clamors to his feet and continues his climb toward the surface.

“I wasn’t suggesting we give up,” Gallo calls as he follows after Ritter. He’s never seen his friend like this, he’s always so mellow and gentle. Blake feels awful for being the reason he got snappy; it’s something he never wants to witness again.

Ritter stops climbing and looks down at him apologetically. “Sorry I snapped at you man. I just- this shouldn’t be happening.”

“I know,” Gallo replies and gives his friend a pat on the leg. “We’ll find a jack and we’ll find a way to get Severide out. No giving up. Not now, not ever.”

***

“Chief you gotta let us go down there,” Joe begs. He didn’t spend years getting his squad certification so he could just sit around do nothing while his lieutenant and captain die at the bottom of some giant mountain of rubble. Part of him is tempted to run in despite Boden’s orders to hang back; he hates every second that he’s being made to stand around and do nothing. “They’re gonna die down there! Casey sent Ritter and Gallo up, right? We can go in and meet them halfway and they can take us back to Severide and Casey.”

“Nobody is going in yet!” Boden barks. “Not until we know we aren’t going to cause a secondary collapse.”

“Chief come on-” Joe tries to argue but the chief holds up his hand and silences him as Casey’s voice comes in over the radio.

“Chief, the water level’s starting rise down here. If it gets any more than two and a half feet I’m not going to be able to keep Severide’s head above the water. How are things looking up there?” The captain sounds exhausted and like he’s giving up on the idea of survival.

“They’re working on stopping the leak. What’s the water level down there?” Boden replies, glancing over at Cruz.

“Only a couple inches, but I’m not liking it, chief. There could be electrical lines down in here,” Casey says tiredly.

“You don’t have to worry about those, we cut the power to the whole building, there shouldn’t be anything still charged down there. How’s Severide holding up?”

Casey sighs a deep hopeless sigh. “Not great, chief. He’s in shock, and there’s nothing I can do to make it better.”

“Okay,” Boden says quietly. “Let me know if anything changes, but for now don’t waste your radio battery.”

“I’m going down there,” Cruz says as soon as Boden has closed the line of communication with Casey. He’s not letting his friends die down there without at least trying to save them. 100 times over, he’d thought about how Otis died, every night he’d lay awake thinking off all the things he could’ve done differently, all the ways he maybe could’ve saved his best friend. He can’t go through that again, his marriage won’t survive if he goes through that again,  _ he  _ won’t survive going through it again. He has to do everything in his power to help Severide and Casey, or he won’t be able to live with himself, let alone ever forgive Boden. If he gets fired or suspended for insubordination then so be it, it’s a price he’s willing to pay to save his friends. He’d sacrifice anything for anyone at 51 including the job itself.

“Cruz, do not take another step toward that building,” Boden warns, taking a step toward him.

“Someone has to do something,” Cruz shouts over his shoulder, grabbing a halligan off the ground as he keeps heading toward the mountain of rubble. “I’m done sitting on my ass. Fire me if you want!

“Cruz stop!” Herrmann cries and bars his way. “You can’t go in there!”

“I’m not losing anyone else!” Cruz spits and tries to shove his way past, but Mouch grabs him too. He keeps pushing but between the two other firefighters grabbing him, he can’t break free. “We have to do something!”

“Cruz stop!” Boden bellows, stopping him dead in his tracks. “We’re not going to sit around and do nothing! But I can’t have you running off without a plan.”

“So we’re going in?” Cruz breathes, shrugging Herrmann and Mouch off of him.

“ _ After  _ we make a plan, and after I get the go ahead from the incident commander.”

“Severide could be dead by then!” Joe protests.

“And I will not be sending anyone else in there until I know it’s not a suicide mission!” Boden shouts. “Go cool off at 61 until we have a plan that won’t get anyone else killed!”

“Cruz, listen to him,” Mouch says quietly and guides him toward where Brett and Macky are working on triage. “If you keep arguing with him like that, he’ll bench you for the whole call.”

“But we can’t just leave them down there to die,” Cruz protests weakly.

“We’re not leaving anyone anywhere to die, we’re just making sure we don’t cause a secondary collapse-”

“I know but-”

“Joe, it’ll be okay. We’ll get em.”

“I just can’t lose anyone else, Mouch. Not so soon,” Joe says desperately.

“Come here,” Mouch says comfortingly and pulls Joe into a hug. “We’re not losing anyone else. I promise.

***

“Hey, I got a truck with a toolbox over here,” Gallo calls, hopping into the bed of the black pick up he’s just found. He’s not sure how they got this lucky. The entire fourth level of the parking garage is still mostly intact, and the roof above it hasn’t come down, which is really a miracle considering the amount of collapsed concrete above them.

“I’ve got a first aid backpack and a fire extinguisher over here,” Ritter reports, holding up his findings and heading toward Gallo.

“Let’s see what we got in here,” Gallo mutters, mostly to himself as he pops open the bed box. 

He’s not sure what exactly he was hoping to find, but whatever it was he’d apparently set his goals too high, because there’s a disappointing amount of stuff in the tool box.

“What’d you find?” Ritter asks, hoping up into the truck bed with him.

“Not much,” Gallo spits angrily. “Couple empty buckets, tarps, brooms-”

“Nah, look here’s a crowbar,” Ritter says, throwing aside some of the useless junk. 

Gallo’s really not sure how he’s managing to stay so positive; neither of them are particularly close with lieutenant Severide but he’s still a big part of the house and not only someone they both look up to, but a friend as well. He’s one of them, he’s family, and Gallo’s lost enough family to last him a life time. He doesn’t need to lose anymore even if Severide is more like a distant uncle; not only that but Captain Casey’s down there two- the guy who took a chance on him, and Gallo  _ cannot  _ disappoint him. He has a million fears running through his mind and Ritter doesn’t seem to have any.

“And look! A jack!” Ritter adds, giving Gallo a big grin and a slap on the shoulder as he holds up his finding. “We’ll bring these and the tarp down with us, and we’ll keep an eye out for something we can use as a backboard on our way back down.”

“How are you doing it?” Gallo finally blurts, and it comes out sounding a lot angrier than he means it to.

Ritter looks taken by surprise and opens and closes his mouth a couple times, confused. “What- what do you mean? Doing what?”

“Not losing your damn mind?” Gallo prompts, raising his eyebrows and searching his friend’s eyes for answers.

“Oh, I guess I’m just thinking about the positives and ignoring all the ways this could go horribly wrong, like instead of thinking about how Casey and Severide might die down there, or that Herrmann is totally going to fire my ass for disobeying a direct order again I’m thinking about how we found what we’re looking for and how Severide has a shot now, and we all might not die down here even if we do get fired for disobeying Casey. And that everyone making it home tonight is all that matters. And I’m really trying really hard not think about the fact that Stella’s baby is due any day and if we mess this up the baby won’t have a-”

“Woah, okay slow down, man,” Gallo says, interrupting him and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Whatever facade Ritter had going it’s slipping now and he’s starting to spiral; and Gallo really feels guilty for asking him how he was managing to keep it together because it’s clear now he really wasn’t, he was just doing a stellar job of not showing how upset and panicked he is. “I know I said I had my doubts, but this is still our best option and it’ll work, okay?”

“Yeah,” Ritter agrees and nods his head in agreement. “It’ll work.”

***

“Alright, stay with me, buddy,” Casey says and props Severide’s head up a little higher; the water’s up at least a foot now and as badly as he didn’t want to move Kelly or make him sit up anymore it’s the only way to keep his head out of the freezing murky water. He’s starting to shiver violently, and Casey’s not sure if it’s from the frigid water, blood loss, shock, or all three. The only thing remotely comforting about how cold the water is, is that it might numb some of Severide’s pain.

“What are you doing,” Severide mumbles through a pained groan, his teeth chattering together, and tightens his grip on Matt’s hand that he has yet to let go of. He’s white as a sheet and his lips look like they're about to make the turn to blue.

“Making sure you don’t drown,” Casey replies, making sure to keep Sev’s head supported as he grabs his wadded up coat and throws it over his friend’s mostly submerged body. The coat’s just as wet as Severide is so he’s really not sure how much good it’ll do, but he has to try something.

Casey’s not exactly sure how much longer he’s going to be able to keep this up; he’s getting drowsy from the cold and as hard as he’s trying to ignore the pounding in his head and nagging urge to pass out, it’s not doing much to help. It’s too overbearing to properly ignore. Moving hurts, keeping his eyes open hurts, hell, simply being awake hurts. He just wants to lay down and sleep.

“Why? No one’s going to get here on time… why delay the inevitable?” Kelly mutters and leans his head into Casey’s body. “You should get out of here.”

“I really think you missed your calling, bud,” Matt says, shaking his head as he looks down at his friend.

“And what’s that?” Kelly coughs, and Matt forces himself to look away, unable to stomach the sight of the blood that drips out of his mouth.

“You should’ve worked selling fertilizer, then someone might’ve actually bought your horse shit,” Matt answers his friend’s question. Now is hardly the time for joking around, Matt knows that, but humor in the face of certain death is something they both learned to appreciate a long time ago. It’s something they both joked about petitioning to add to the classes taught in the academy.

Kelly cracks a weak smile. “If I did that I wouldn’t be stuck in this pit with your stupid ass I guess, so you got a point.”

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Matt agrees.

“Just do me a favor, buddy,” Severide continues, opening his eyes to squint up at Matt. “Don’t hang around after I bite it. Leave my sorry ass and go marry Brett or something.”

Casey sighs and looks away from Severide again; he really hasn’t decided what he’s going to do if the water level rises to the point that he can’t keep Severide’s head above the surface. The choice that makes the most sense is to leave, to climb out of this hell and hole, and leave. But he’s not sure he could live with himself, even though Kelly would already be dead Matt can’t fathom the idea of leaving him behind. He’s his best friend, his brother, and he can’t leave him, not even to save himself.

“Casey, report. How are you doing down there?” Boden’s voice crackles over the radio before Casey can lie and tell Severide he’ll leave him after he’s gone.

“Water’s up about a foot, and I gotta tell you chief, it’s a little cold,” Casey replies. ‘A little cold’ is an understatement. The water is freezing, like sitting in a tub of ice

“Okay, hang in there. Cruz and Herrmann are on their way down to you, but it might take a while-” Boden is interrupted by a shout from a familiar voice.

“Where the hell is Kelly?!” It’s Kidd, clear as day shouting at Boden. Matt recognizes her voice immediately, even with the terrible sound quality of the radio. Severide, in all of his misery and delirium, must realize it’s her too, because her voice coming in seems to wake something in him- an energy he didn’t previously have.

“Stella?” Kelly calls, eyes widening as grabs at Matt’s shoulder, attempting to hoist himself upright more. “Casey I-”

“I know,” Matt says, interrupting him. This isn’t going to be easy for Kidd, but Matt’s glad she’s here, for Severide’s sake.

“Chief, you gotta let her talk to Severide,” Matt requests. If anything’s going to give Severide enough strength and energy to hold on until Herrmann and Cruz get down here, it’s this, and even if it doesn’t there’s a chance it’ll at least give Severide some semblance of peace.

***

“Kelly? Kelly is that you?” Stella breathes, holding the chief’s radio in her hands. She’d seen the building collapse on the news, and instantly had a bad feeling about it, the kind of bad feeling that sends a tickle down the spine right before something terrible happens. All her years on the job have taught her to always listen to the tickle; it’s her firefighter sixth sense that tells her when it’s time to bail out, or dive for cover, or duck. When it speaks she listens, and when she was standing in the house and saw the news it screamed. She had already been halfway to the car when Herrmann called her to say she needed to get down there, and that it was bad.

Stella knows it’s dangerous to be here, there’s so much dust and smoke and dust in the air that it can’t possibly be good for her or the baby. But Kelly’s trapped somewhere in that mess of rubble, so it doesn’t much matter to her. She needs to be here.

“Yeah, it’s me.” The radio is staticy and the voice on the other end is weak and muffled, but it’s him. Plain as day it’s Kelly.

“Okay, okay,” Stella breathes and sinks back onto the front bumper of the squad truck in relief. He’s there, he’s awake, he’s talking, he’s okay. “Are you okay, Kelly?”

There’s no response other than the fuzzy crackle of the static.

“Kelly, baby, talk to me,” Stella urges desperately. Maybe he’s not okay, he didn’t exactly sound okay…

“I’ve been better,” Comes his slow response. 

Her fears are definitely right, somethings wrong. She can hear it in the tone of his voice; he’s hurting, bad.

“Sev, you gotta tell her,” It’s Casey who speaks next in a shaky almost pleading tone. He sounds just as weak and tired as Kelly. “She needs to know.”

“Tell me what? Kelly, what’s wrong,” Stella demands, her heart racing as her mind leaps to all the possibilities of what the two officers could be hiding from her. It shouldn’t be Casey down there, it should be her with him. She wishes more than anything that she could swap places with Matt so she can be there with Severide.

There must be some silent exchange between Kelly and Matt, that she doesn’t get because it’s the truck captain who replies. 

“He’s pinned down, down here on the bottom level by a piece of concrete and there’s no way to move it,” Casey explains apologetically.

Stella closes her eyes and forces herself to take a deep breath, knowing exactly how bad it is isn’t going to provide her comfort, she’s sure of that much. She’s never been one to give up on anything ever, especially Kelly, but if he’s about to die down there, she needs to know. “Matt, how bad is it?”

Casey sighs heavily, his hesitation to answer abundantly clear. “Severe crush injuries and possible impalement… I’m sorry Stella- it's bad.”

She swallows hard and closes her eyes trying to keep back the tears beginning to sting her eyes. “Okay. I need you to make sure Kelly’s listening to me-”

“Stella, I’m sorry,” Kelly interupts her; his voice is weak and desperate. “I should’ve just stayed in bed with you this morning. I’m sorry I got stuck down here… and- and I’m sorry I can’t get out-”

“Kelly-” She tries to interrupt him, she needs him to know it’s okay, that she’s not mad at him, but he keeps talking.

“-you’re going to be an amazing mom, Stella Kidd. I know you doubt yourself sometimes… but you’re the strongest, most amazing person I’ve ever known… I’m sorry I can’t make it home… I’m sorry…” His voice is strained as he chokes out the words into the radio; she can hear his struggle to breathe let alone form coherent words. There’s so much pain and grief in his voice and it’s like a knife in her chest. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me…”

“Kelly, Kelly, listen to me,” Stella starts, swallowing back the lump in her throat as warm tears sting her cold cheeks. Every word he says hurts her. She knows he's trying to comfort her, to make her feel better, and maybe someday she'll appreciate what he's saying, but right now she hates it. She hates that he's dying and that he's talking like he's dying and she can't take it.

“I love you… I’m sorry-”

“Kelly, it’s okay,” she chokes. She’s always known ‘happily ever after’ was only ever something the two of them could hope for, especially in their line of work. There was never a guarantee of growing old together, neither of them had ever pretended there was, not even when they’d said their wedding vows. But they’d promised to be there for each other whenever the bells decided to call them home, but now Kelly is trapped a good 50 or 60 feet below her and he’s dying, she can hear it in his voice, and she’s not there with him. He might as well be halfway across the planet because there’s no way for her to get to him. “I know you’re tired and hurt, and if you can’t keep fighting it’s okay. It’s okay, I promise, but please try to hang on, Kelly. Just a little longer.”

She barely even notices as Boden sits down on the squad truck bumper with her and wraps his arm around her shoulders while she clings to his radio, her only connection with Kelly.

“Stella…” Kelly trails off before he can finish saying whatever he was going to tell her.

“Kelly?” Stella breathes, her stomach twisting in painful knots. “Kelly, baby please.”

The only response she gets is the hiss of static, and something inside her breaks.

“Kelly!” She cries, begging him to respond, begging God, the universe and everything not to take him away from her. She can’t lose him, they were supposed to grow old together. She crumples over and Boden catches her before she can hit the ground and pulls her close to him with one arm and takes the radio from her hands with the other.

“Casey, report,” He says quietly, still holding tight to her.

She holds her breath, waiting for the captain’s response, waiting for him to confirm her worst fears, waiting for him to tell her it’s over, but there’s no reply, only the crackle and pop of empty radio waves.

“No!” she chokes and buries her face in the chief’s chest; burning pain rips through her abdomen like she’s being kick or ripped open or both, and she sinks to the ground with a gasp of pain. She sinks to the ground and the pain comes surging over her a second time and with it panic. She knows exactly what’s happening and she’s not ready for it- she’s not ready to do it alone, but she has to. Kelly is gone, and the baby’s coming.

***

“Damn it,” Matt spits as pulls the radio out of the water a couple seconds too late. The things shorted out, but he’s not even really worried about it anymore. The water’s getting close to two feet deep, and he’s running out of wiggle room to keep Severide’s head above the surface, not to mention he’s just passed out. “Sev you gotta wake up.”

He shakes Severide a little, trying to wake him back up; he knows it’s a futile effort, he’s lost too much blood and he’s too cold, he’s not waking back up, and at the rate the water’s rising it’s probably actually best he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry Kelly,” Matt says quietly despite knowing Kelly can’t hear him and lets the dead radio fall back into the water as he holds his friend up with both arms’ letting his head rest on his shoulder. He’d been the one in charge of the search on the bottom level of the parking garage; maybe if he’d done something differently, sent Severide in a different direction, they wouldn’t be in this situation. Instead of being forced to wait around and die, maybe he’d be making the climb for freedom with Ritter and Gallo, they both would. If Matt had made a different choice, maybe Kelly would be going home to Stella tonight, and maybe he’d get to watch his kid be born and be there to see it grow up. “This is my fault.”

“Shut up, man,” Severide mumbles, taking Matt by surprise. “We were looking for a carbon monoxide leak. You didn’t know this thing was coming down… you pointed in a direction, I went. It’s not your fault.”

“Thanks Sev,” Matt mutters and tries to maneuver Severide upright a little more. He wishes he could take comfort in what Severide said, but one crucial point still stands, it had been him who sent Severide in the direction he went, and now he’s crushed and trapped. The water’s almost up to Matt’s shoulders now, and soon there’s not going to be much of anything he can do.

“Look, Matt… maybe you send me a different way and I get crushed and die instantly,” Severide adds as if sensing Matt’s guilt. “But I got to say goodbye to Stella. And that’s all that matters… so thanks…”

Casey closes his eyes and shakes his head. He can’t believe he’s actually being thanked right now. He’s done next to nothing so far, and there’s nothing he can do.

Severide opens his eyes slowly, but his gaze focuses on something beyond Casey, almost like he’s staring right through him. His eyes are hollow and glazed over with pain and exhaustion. He blinks once sending tears down his dirty cheeks.

“Shay…?” He mumbles around a mouthful of blood, and his breath hitches.

“No, no, no,” Casey pleads, he can see Severide’s gaze losing focus- he can  _ see  _ the life slowly draining out of his light blue eyes. It’s a look he’s all too familiar with, he’s seen it more times than he cares to count with victims he’s tried to save. It’s a look that gives him nightmares he can never quite shake- the way the light seems to just hang there a second like maybe the person wants to keep fighting, but then it just dies leaving cold blank expressionless eyes. “Stay with me Kelly, stay with me please…”

He doesn’t need any monitor to tell him Severide’s crashing, his eyes and the way his chest is barely moving anymore tell him everything he needs to know. He’s about to watch his best friend die, and there’s nothing at all he can do to save him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning things get a little a graphic, but nothing toooooo bad.

Come on man,” Matt begs, moving Severide’s head in his arms so he can press his fingers against his neck to make sure his heart is still beating. He can still his feel pulse, but it’s weak and fading fast. “Not like this. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this.”

It’s always been the two of them at 51, for the longest time it was the two of them and Andy. they’d always thought they were invincible, they’d always assumed they’d retire together. Then Andy had died and given both him and Kelly a reality check, but even still, Casey had never really gotten rid of the idea of retiring with Severide. It was just something he’d assumed would happen. They’d retire and spend time with their families- surprisingly enough up until today, Severide was way closer to having that one be a possibility than Casey. He’d married Stella and now she’s pregnant, but now it seems like that’s as far as Severide gets to see that dream go.

“Stay with me, Sev,” Matt whispers. “Chief said Cruz and Herrmann are coming, hang on for them. Please. Please…”

Severide doesn’t even blink, as Matt clings to him, begging him to stay. His eyes have gone blank now, and the only thing telling Matt he’s not dead yet is the slight flare of his bloody nostrils as he breathes.

“Captain!” There’s a splash behind Casey as two flashlight beams dance across the little pocket in the rubble. He whips his head around to see Ritter and Gallo wading through the freezing water toward him.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Casey chokes. He’s not sure whether to be relieved or furious that the two rookies disobeyed his order and came back.

“Saving your two sorry asses,” Gallo says splashing his way toward Casey.

Ritter clears his throat. “Respectfully sir.”

“That thing's not moving,” Casey argues, he’s too cold and his head hurts too much to be dealing with these two idiots. “I told you to get out of here.”

“We bought a jack,” Gallo reports swinging a backpack off his shoulders. “You can thank us, or fire us or whatever after we get out of here.”

Casey sighs and closes his eyes. There’s no point in fighting them, and their jack idea might actually work, and there aren’t really any other options. A couple seconds ago there was no chance of getting Severide out of this alive, not there’s a slight chance and that’s good enough for him.

“Do it,” Matt breathes, without opening his eyes.

“When we say to pull, you need to pull him out, okay?” Ritter says, giving Casey a pat on the shoulder before wading over to help Gallo with the jack. 

Matt forces himself to open his eyes and watch what they’re doing.

“Okay, we’re starting,” Gallo says glancing over his shoulder at Casey who nods his approval.

He slides himself onto his knees and slides his arms under Severide’s armpits so he can pull him free when Ritter gives the words. He’s not sure this won’t kill him, lifting the weight off him and dragging him back might inflict so much pain that his body just won’t be able to take it anymore, but he’ll definitely die if they don’t.

Gallo only has time to give the jack a couple pumps before Severide’s eyes go wide and he opens his mouth in a silent scream. The only thing that escapes his lips is blood as he chokes.

“Stop! Stop! Something’s not right” Casey cries, but Ritter is already grabbing Gallo’s arm, stopping him.

“Rebars,” Ritter reports quietly and glances over his shoulder at Casey.

“Get the gauze we found ready then,” Gallo replies through clenched teeth. “We have to get him out of here or he’ll drown.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Sev,” Casey whispers as he gets ready to pull. Ritter and Gallo aren’t going to stop. “Do this fast guys.”

Gallo pumps the jack a couple more times, and the concrete shifts, he stops half a second to glance around and then keeps going.

“Go!” Ritter shouts.

Casey digs his knees in and using his last bit of waning strength he pulls Severide free from the rubble. The last thing he hears before collapsing backward into the water is a gut wrenching agonized scream of pain from Severide then his head sinks below the surface of the freezing murky water, and he blacks out as the water folds over him like an icy coffin.

***

“Captain!” Ritter cries in dismay as Casey collapses back into the water, taking Severide down with him into the murky water dyed red with quad lieutenant's blood. 

“Get Severide,” Gallo orders, abandoning his post at the jack and splashing toward Casey. “I got the Captain!”

Ritter doesn’t waste a second grabbing Severide by the collar of his turnout coat and pulling him to the surface. It’s hard to tell exactly how much blood he’s losing because it’s diluted by the water around them, but given just how red the water’s turning, it’s a lot of blood, and Ritter’s practically swimming in it. It makes him feel sick almost; he’s been around blood and gore plenty, but it’s different wading in water bloodied by a friend.

“I gotta get him somewhere dry, so I can pack these wounds,” Ritter gasps and starts pulling the Squad lieutenant toward dry ground and the path that he and Gallo took to get out of this little cavern in the collapsed building.

“I got Casey,” Gallo pants following him, dragging Casey with him and obviously struggling under the Captain’s weight and size. Ritter wishes there was something he could do to help his friend, but Severide is bleeding out and he has to get his wounds packed or there’s no way in hell he’s going to survive the trip up through five stories of rubble.

Ritter finally manages to get Severide across the little cavern and hauled up onto dry ground.

“Hang in there, lieutenant,” Ritter breathes and undoes the clasps on his ripped turnout coat; the bleeding seems almost worse now that he can actually see where it’s coming from. There’s multiple puncture wounds in Severide’s stomach from the rebars, and each of them is gushing blood. 

“You’re gonna be alright,” he promises and pulls out all the packs of gauze and dressing out of the first aid bag. They have one thing to be grateful for and that’s that none of the blood is spurting which means no arteries have been nicked, so he might actually be able to slow the bleeding by packing the wounds.

“Where’s Severide?” There’s a splash as Casey wakes up and twists himself free from Gallo’s arms.

“Captain, you just passed out-” Gallo tries to say, but Casey interrupts him.

“I’m fine. Where’s…” He trails off as his gaze meets Ritters.

“I got him,” Ritter promises before looking down so he can focus on packing gauze into bloody wounds in Severide’s abdomen; he’s never actually had to do this on a real person, and it’s one of the worst most unnatural things he’s ever done, shoving wad after wad of bandage into holes as his hands get more and more slippery with blood. The only comfort he finds in it all is that Severide’s unconscious and probably can’t feel most of it.

“We gotta get him out of here,” Casey chokes as he stumbles over, with the help of Gallo. He looks dazed and exhausted, and his lips are starting to turn blue, probably from sitting around in the ice cold water with Severide for so long.

“Start getting him out of his bunker gear, so we can move him easier once I finish with this,” Ritter says as he starts packing the little bit of gauze he has left into the last gash in Severide’s side. Moving him is going to be brutal, and even his deep state of unconsciousness probably won’t shield him from the pain, so making him as light as possible will make it easier to carry him gently.

***

It’s slow going with Severide, even after they managed to find a piece of wood strong enough and wide enough to serve as a backboard. Ritter and Gallo both seem to know where they’re going at least to some degree. They’d both unanimously agreed not to allow Casey to help them carry Severide, which he’s secretly grateful for; he hasn’t been able to stop his muscles from tremoring since he woke back up after his black out, and he feels like his legs could give out at any second, not to mention everything around him is blurry. Gallo’s a pale featureless blur, Ritter’s a darker featureless blur, Severide’s a bloody featureless blur, and everything else is just a haze of spinning grey blobs with no real structure or clear beginning or end. The only thing that’s abundantly clear to him, apart from the splitting pain in his head, is the pulse in Severide’s wrist that he’s holding onto. He’s managed to focus on it, and in some ways it’s the only thing keeping him going; it’s his purpose: making sure his friend’s heart is still beating, and keeping his undivided attention on it is helping him ignore all his own pain and all the red flags his body is trying to give him.

“Captain, are you okay?” Gallo asks, his voice sounds muffled and far away.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Casey replies, blinking his eyes a few times trying to clear away some of the blurriness. He’s tired of being asked that, and he’s even more tired of talking. He just wants to get Severide to safety, and he wants all this to be over. “Let’s keep moving.”

Whatever questioning glances Ritter and Gallo exchange with each other, he doesn’t catch them. They’re about to keep when Casey loses Severide’s pulse. it’s a subtle thing, his pulse was already so weak that there isn’t much difference between it being there and it not being there, but it’s definitely not there now.

“Put him down,” Casey orders quickly. “I lost his pulse.”

Panic shoots through Casey as he kneels down on the ground next to Severide and puts his hands in the center of his bloody chest and starts compressions. This can’t be it, they’ve made it so far; he knows they still have a ways left to go and that he’s lost a lot of blood, but he’s come too far and they're too close to freedom for him to die now.

“You’re not dying, Severide,” Casey hisses between gritted teeth as he pounds on his friend’s chest. “You’re going to wake up, and keep fighting, and you’re going to survive and raise your kid with Stella.”

“Captain,” Gallo says gently. He doesn’t have to say anything else for Casey to know what he’s implying, the kid’s tone says it all: he’s gone. Let him go.

“No,” Casey chokes, keeping his compressions in an even rhythm and counting in his head-  _ 5, 6, 7, 8- _ . He’s not giving up on Severide, not now, not ever; he’ll do this for hours if he has to.

“Casey?” Someone that sounds a lot like Cruz questions as the sound of shuffling fills the air and two more flashlight beams light up the darkness. His vision is still too blurry to make out the faces of the two figures who have joined them in the rubble, and he has more urgent things to worry about than who all just joined them.

“Let me take over,” It’s definitely Cruz's voice.

“No,” Casey pants. He doesn’t trust anyone else not to give up. He has to keep going no matter how long it takes to get Severide back. “I’m not giving up on him.”

“I won’t either, I promise,” Cruz says urgently. “But you’re tired and aren’t going to be able to keep this up much longer.”

“Cruz, I got it,” Casey snaps. He’s not stopping.

“Casey. Let me take over. Me and Herrmann are going to take care of Severide, but you need to get to the surface and get taken care of too,” Cruz insists.

“I’m not leaving him,” Casey chokes as someone grabs him by the shoulders, and pulls him back.

“Casey, you’re in no condition, you gotta get out of here,” It’s Herrmann talking to him, calmly.

“No!” Casey shouts and pulls against him desperately. “Stop, I’m not leaving him!”

He tries desperately to fight against Herrmann as he pulls back away from Severide, but he’s too weak and his strength is all but spent and he can barely even keep his eyes open anymore.

“Cruz is going to get him back,” Herrmann promises.

“I can’t lose him,” Matt chokes, tears stinging his eyes as he collapses in the engine lieutenant’s arms. “He can’t die.”

***

“Chief, I just got a call from Med,” Sylvie calls, running up to Boden. Up until this point she’s been desperate to stay on the scene to wait for Matt to get free from the building collapse, to make sure he’s okay, but that was before Maggie called to tell her Stella just got sent into an emergency C-section and that she’s hemorrhaging pretty badly. Apparently she’d been at the scene, and Sylvie had been so busy with triage she’d completely missed her. The idea of leaving without knowing for sure Matt’s okay hurts, Stella’s going to need someone there with her when she wakes up. “They just took Stella into emergency surgery.”

Boden closes his eyes like he’s trying to wish this day out of existence, and she wishes he would. This is quickly working it’s way up to potentially being one of the worst days of her life. Matt and Severide are both MIA, and quite possibly dead, and now Stella is in the hospital with birthing complications. Everything’s going to hell faster than she can register it all.

“Go,” Boden says without her even having to phrase her request. He knows just as well as she does that someone needs to be there for Stella when she wakes up; it should be Severide, but it’s pretty clear to everyone that that’s not going to happen. Even if he makes it out of the collapse alive he’s going to need hours worth of surgery.

“Thank you chief,” she breathes, and turns to head toward 61, but Boden stops her.

“Macy and the ambo need to stay here, we still need them,” He’s apologetic about the order, but she understands it. They’re still pulling people out of the rubble they need as many paramedics and ambulances as they can get, her being allowed to leave is probably pushing it. “Find a patrol officer to get you to the hospital.”

“Yes chief,” she says, and changes direction making a b-line for the closest squad car.

It doesn’t take much convincing at all to get the officer to take her to the hospital which she’s grateful for, a lot of cops are hard asses when it comes to that sort of thing. She still remembers the one guy who tried to have Herrmann stripped of his rank for moving his squad car during a hostage situation. But when she tells this guy she needs a ride to Med, he doesn’t argue or question her, just nods his head and gets in. 

It’s a fast and quiet ride to the hospital, and she wishes it were a little faster and a lot less quiet. It’s all she can do not think about what happened to Julie and how the same thing might happen to Stella. Maggie hadn’t said how badly Stella was bleeding over the phone, but if they had to do an emergency c-section just so they could get her into surgery, then it’s definitely bad. It seems like the exact same thing that happened with her birth mom, but at the same time it’s so much worse. She’s known Stella for a long time, and the thought of losing her is unbearable, not to mention if she doesn’t survive this surgery then there’s a good chance the baby will grow up without either parents. She hasn’t heard much about Severide’s condition for a while, but things weren’t looking up last anyone told her. She’s sure no matter how this day ends that 51 will take care of the kid, but it can’t come to that. She’s sick and tired of losing her friends- her family, and she’s honestly not sure if she can take another death. Losing Otis very nearly destroyed her.

“Here we are,” the officer says as they pull up to the hospital door.

“Thanks,” Sylvie says quickly as she hops out of the car and takes off inside. 

The place is swamped with people, most of them appear to be from the parking garage collapse, some look like they brought in while others appear to have wandered in off the street on their own.

“Brett! You came!” Maggie calls to her from across the waiting room where she appears to have just finished a waiting patient.

“Yeah, I’m here, are Stella and the baby okay?” Sylvie asks, skipping all the formalities and small talk; she knows Maggie won’t mind.

“The baby’s fine, a healthy baby boy-”

“And Stella?” Sylvie presses. 

“There was an abdominal tear which caused the bleeding, and she’s still surgery, but Dr. Manning said things are looking good,” Maggie reports optimistically. “Do you know if Kelly’s coming? I tried calling him but couldn’t get in touch.”

Brett ducks her head sheepishly.

“What happened?” Maggie asks, guiding Sylvie over to a mostly vacant corner of the waiting area. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” Brett replies quietly. “The last I heard was him and Casey were trapped in the bottom level of that structure collapse and that he’s hurt pretty bad.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” Maggie whispers comfortingly and pulls Brett into a tight hug. “Those two are both tough guys, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Brett mumbles resting her chin on Maggie’s shoulder. She really just wants to stay like this, something about the warmth of the hug and the woman’s confidence makes Sylvie feel a little better, and a little bit more hopeful that maybe everything will be okay.

“Do you want to go see the baby?” Maggie asks pulling away after a minute or so.

“I’m not family,” Sylvie sniffles, just now realizing how close to crying she is. 

“Sure you are,” the nurse says encouragingly and leads her toward the doors. “Then you can either go wait in waiting room for Stella to be out of surgery or you can help us out with victims we have in the ER waiting room until she’s out.”

“Thanks Maggie, but I think I’ll just help out here,” Sylvie says slowly and stops walking. It feels wrong to see the baby before Stella and Severide, the baby’s theirs. One of them should be the first to see and hold baby, apart from the doctors. “I’ll see the baby once Stella is out of surgery.”

“Whatever you want, Brett,” Maggie says with an understanding head nod.

***

Brett is a good hour into helping tag patients and sticking band aids on various minor cuts and scrapes when the tones signalling that an ambulance is pulling up outside the doors sound, making her look up from the patient she’s with. The team of paramedics are through the door a second later and Maggie is rushing to meet them; it’s hard to see who’s on the stretcher through the group of people crowding it, but she can see that whoever it is has on bunker pants.

“What do we got?” Maggie asks quickly.

“Male firefighter, thirties, head injury, he passed out in the field,” one of the two paramedics reports, and as they make the turn into the ER, Sylvie catches a glimpse of the firefighter’s short blond hair, dirty with blood and dust, and he stomach drops. She’s knows exactly who it is.

“Casey?!” She cries, and leaves the patient she was with to follow the stretcher. As she catches up, she becomes more sure it’s him. “Matt?! What happened?”

“Brett you need to back up,” Maggie warns, grabbing her before she can follow him into bagdad.

“No, no, no, Matt… What happened? Maggie, what happened?” Sylvie chokes, collapsing in the nurse’s arms, she can feel tears welling her eyes and there’s nothing she can do to stop them. She’s tired of this, she’s tired of her friends getting hurt, she’s tired of worrying, and she’s tired of today. She hates it and wants it to be over.

“Breathe honey,” Maggie soothes and pulls back farther away from Matt, as he gets transferred from the gurney to the exam bed.

“No,” Sylvie sobs, clinging to Maggie’s arms, the nurse is the only thing keeping her on two feet.

“Brett! Hey!” 

Through her tear blurred vision, she can see Ritter running toward her.

“I got her,” He says and grabs her from Maggie.

“What happened?” she asks, barely able to string her words together as she meets his gaze.

“He had a head injury that we didn’t know about, he passed out as soon as we made it to the surface,” He explains and guides her toward a chair, keeping a steady and reassuring grip on her arms. “He probably kept it to himself because he wanted us to take care of Severide.”

Brett uses the back of her sleeve to wipe some of her tears away. “Where is Severide?”

Ritter purses his lips and looks at the ground.

“Oh no…” Sylvie whispers, and the tears begin flooding her eyes again 

“I was ordered to take Casey on up to the surface, Gallo, Herrmann and Cruz were with him… when we left they were trying to… to revive him,” Ritter mumbles, not taking his eyes off the floor.

“What am gonna tell Stella,” Brett chokes and buries her face in her hands. The chances of them being able to revive him and transport him through all the rubble and debris are slim to none

“I don’t know, I don’t know about any of this to be honest,” Ritter admits, resting his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. “But I think Captain Casey will be okay.”

“Brett,” Dr. Manning calls her attention away from Ritter and Casey as she approaches them. “Sorry to interrupt, but….” the doctor trails off a second to glance over at where Casey is being worked on. “Stella is out of surgery and doing well. You can wait up there and we’ll send someone to get you when we how Casey’s doing-”

“Why do that, I can tell you now,” Dr. Halstead interrupts and walks over, peeling off his gloves as he does so.

Sylvie’s heart sinks, it’s too soon for this to possibly be good news.

“He should be fine, he’s got a concussion and he’s exhausted, but he just woke back up. You can go see him real quick before we take up for a CT to make sure we’re not missing anything,” Dr. Halstead says confidently and dumps his gloves in a trash can. 

“Really?” Brett breathes, she can barely believe her ears. She knows it’s probably insensitive to feel as happy as she does right now because Severide is still a long way from being out of the woods and might even be dead right now, but Stella and Casey are both okay so she can’t help it.

“Yeah, we’re gonna keep him for observation, but as long as the CT checks out, he’ll be fine,” Will replies. “And then you can go up and see Stella.”

“Thank you,” Sylvie chokes and his on her feet pushing her way past Dr. Halstead before she’s even fully aware of her actions. “Matt! Matt, hey.”

“Hey Brett,” he says quietly as she meets him at his bedside. There’s something off about him, and it’s not just how tired he is. He seems hollow like some crucial part of him has been sucked out leaving behind a broken tired shell. And she realizes it’s grief that’s sucked that part of him out.

“Hey Matt, they said you’ll be fine and that you probably just have a bad concussion,” Brett says encouragingly, but Matt doesn’t react, he doesn’t seem to care about anything, not even her presence next to him. “Matt…?”

“Sorry,” he mumbles and looks away from her. 

*** 

Just a concussion. The last time he saw Severide his heart wasn’t beating- he was technically dead after being crushed under what was probably a thousand pounds of concrete and impaled on rebar. Just a concussion. His best friend, who was supposed to be a father and who had met the love of his life that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, is dead; and Matt, who really doesn’t have much of anyone, just. Has. A. Concussion.

He’s not sure how to process, how to make things work right in his head. Passing out had been a relief, there’d been nothing to think about, no dreams, no worries, no guilt or anger. But now he’s awake again and it’s all hitting him so hard and so fast he can’t set any of his feelings straight, he can’t even find the presence of mind to say anything to Brett. He doesn’t know how. Waking up has given him a bigger shock to the system than passing out did. Part of him wishes he’d pass out again, he’s exhausted, and his head is spinning with all the feelings he can’t process.

“Casey, look at me,” Brett whispers quietly and squeezes his hand. 

He can’t bring himself to look at her, he knows what he’ll find in her eyes, sadness, calm soothing reassurances, promises that it’ll be okay, but it won’t be. Severide’s gone, and Casey isn’t strong enough to lead the house through yet another devastating loss, not so soon after Otis, and not without Severide there to do it with him. He can’t help get them all through it, not when he has no idea how to even begin navigating it all for himself.

“Matt please,” Sylvie pleads and reaches toward his face, but he pulls away freeing his hand from hers. Facing her and probably her own heart break is too much. He wishes he could, he wishes he could be a shoulder for her to cry on, but he’s not strong enough; and he can’t let her stand with him on the brink of his sea of despair that’s going to suck him in. He knows she’s going to want to try to pull him out, but he’s not sure there’s anyone capable of doing that, not this time, and won’t drag her down with him.

“Can we get this CT scan over with?” Matt asks, looking up at Dr. Halstead, who looks concerned.

“Matt!” Brett’s sharp tone takes Matt by surprise and she grabs him and makes him look at her. “Stop trying to ignore me, and listen.”

Matt is too caught off guard by her sudden directness to pull away or even say anything.

“I’m not going to give you some speech about how it’s all going to be okay or- or how you need to stay strong because frankly this day has been absolute hell and there is absolutely no reason that you should have to try to keep it together. I’ve already cried like three times just in the last hour and a half,” She says frantically, the words flying off her tongue in that rapid flustered way they do when she gets really emotional and passionate. “Matt it is okay. It is okay to not be okay. But if you think for one second that I’m going to let you be not okay by yourself, that you got a big storm comin, buddy.” she sounds and looks almost angry. “I don’t care if you think all your big angry man feelings are too much for me, because one they’re not, and two I love you and I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own. Is that clear?”

Matt holds her gaze, and as he looks into her blue eyes something inside him breaks freeing all his emotions at once, and before he can even feel it coming, he’s crying.

“Thank you Sylvie,” he chokes and buries his face in her shoulder. There’s a kind of relief that comes with Matt’s release of all his pent up pain and sorrow. It doesn’t make any of it go away or get better, but he feels a little, and despite the fact that he’s practically sobbing into Brett’s arms, he feels like he can actually breathe. He’s glad she’s there and he’s glad she yelled at him.

“Guys, I’m really sorry,” Dr. Halstead says softly, and clears his throat apologetically. “But we gotta move you out of here and up to the CT. There’s an air lift coming in, and they’re going to need this space to work.”

Casey nods his head a little, but doesn’t lift it from Sylvie’s shoulder and she keeps rubbing his back in gentle soothing circles.

“Please come with me,” Matt mumbles, finally lifting his head again, and wiping the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Of course, Matt,” she says reassuringly, with tears coming down her cheeks. Casey hadn’t even realized she was crying too.

***

“Halstead, I need a hand!” Dr. Choi shouts as he and the two air medics burst into the ER with the stretcher. Sylvie can see that’s it’s Severide; she’d had a feeling it was him when Maggie said there was an airlift coming in, but now she’s sure. He’s a dirty bloody mess, but it’s him plain as day.

“I’ll be right back, guys,” Will says quickly and dashes off to assist, leaving Sylvie standing alone next to Matt’s wheelchair.

“Is that-” Matt starts to say but halfway through his sentence he stops, probably realizing it’s exactly who he thinks it is. “Severide!”

Casey’s on his feet in a matter of seconds, and tries to run to his friend, but Sylvie manages to grab him before he can.

“Matt, you have to stay here, and give them space,” she says firmly, holding the Captain back. He doesn’t fight her, but he doesn’t sit back down either.

“That’s Sev,” he breathes, and looks down at her with a horrified expression.

“I know.” She wants to look away from Severide, but she can’t, it’s like she’s frozen in a state of shock that she can’t shake herself free from. She can’t see much around the medical personnel swarming the little room, but she can see the blood and it’s everywhere. Without even consciously doing so she reaches down and grabs Matt’s hand; she’s not really sure if she’s doing to comfort herself or him, but either way it doesn’t matter.

“We started a blood transfusion on the way over, he’s lost close two leaders, body temp is 92-”

“BP’s bottoming out,” Will reports, interrupting the medics. “Get a crash cart on stand by and we need warm fluids.”

“He’s coded twice,” One of the air medics adds as they transfer Severide from the stretcher. “Once in the air and once before we got there.”

“Casey, you need to get up to your CT,” Dr Manning says, grabbing both Sylvie and Matt and turning them away from what’s happening. Brett can’t help but look back over her shoulder at what’s happening to Severide.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Casey argues and pulls away from the doctor. Sylvie wishes she could back Matt, she wants stay and make sure they get Severide stabilized, but they can’t. Matt needs to get a CT done, for his own good; this isn’t the first major head injury he suffered. Brett heard stories about the last one that resulted in a skull fracture, and how the doctors had warned him another hit to the head could be fatal.

“Matt, you need to get yourself checked out,” Sylvie says, hoping he doesn’t argue.

“But-”

“Severide’s in the best possible hands,” Dr. Manning promises. “Now you need to let me take you up for some head CTs, okay?”

Matt casts a reluctant glance over his shoulder at Severide, Brett can tell from the look on his face he’s thinking the same thing she is: he can’t die. She’s sure it’s harder for him, he’s known Kelly twice as long as she has, and been close friends for the better part of that time.

“They’ll take care of him, Matt. But you need to let them take care of you, too. Okay?” 

Matt bites his lip and nods.

***

The blank white ceiling is the first thing Stella becomes aware of as she slowly drifts out of her deep dreamless sleep and begins to open her eyes, the next thing she notices is the steady quiet rhythmic beep of a heart monitor next to her head, it’s a soothing reassuring sound… and finally as her brain plays catch up with her body she becomes painfully aware of an emptiness that’s opened up inside of her. Something’s missing. She tries to sit up but pain shooting up from her abdomen stops her and she flops back in the bed with a gasp, and it hits her. The baby- the baby’s gone. Her throat tightens with panic as she tries a second time to sit up, she can’t feel the baby anymore. She makes a second attempt to sit up, ignoring the pain in her abdomen as she looks wildly around the room, she can hear the beeping on the machine next to her getting faster, and her mind races.

“Woah, hey, Stella take it easy!” Brett says urgently and grabs her hand. She hadn’t even noticed the paramedic sitting next to her bed.

“The baby,” Stella chokes desperately and grabs Brett’s arm begging for answers. She can’t lose the baby, she’s already pretty sure Kelly’s gone, she remembers saying goodbye to him, and she can’t lose their child too. It’s all she has left of him.

“The baby’s okay, Stella. He’s okay,” Sylvie promises, squeezing Stella’s hand.

“He?” Stella breathes and sinks back in bed. She and Kelly had decided not to be told the gender of the baby during her pregnancy to leave it a surprise.

“Yes,” Sylvie replies gently. “You have a beautiful healthy baby boy.”

Stella closes her eyes and points her head toward the ceiling letting her relief sink in. Her son is okay… she has a  _ son _ .

“Dr. Manning said they’ll bring him in as soon as you're ready,” Brett says as she slides her hand out of Stella’s.

Stella nods her head in acknowledgment, but keeps her closed as she allows herself to breathe and get her bearings back.  _ When she’s ready…  _ She’s not sure if she’ll ever be truly ready for this; Kelly was supposed to be here. They were supposed to raise the baby together. She’d always known the possibility of her doing this by herself could turn into a reality, but she’d never actually let herself think about it, let alone prepare for it.

“Is Kelly…?” she can’t bring herself to finish the question and say it out loud…  _ dead. Is Kelly dead? _

Brett sighs and squeezes her hand.

“No…” Stella moans and squeezes her eyes shut tighter.

“No,” Brett says even. “He’s not dead Stella.”

Stella opens her eyes and turns her head to face Brett. She’d been so sure, the way he’d said good-bye, the silence that had followed, all of it had made her so sure she’d lost him… that he was gone forever and that she’d have to raise this baby, this last piece of him she had left, all alone.

“He’s okay?” Stella chokes, tears stinging her eyes.

“They airlifted him in about an hour ago, and he was in bad shape. He’s in surgery right now,” Sylvie explains. Stella can tell she’s trying to sound positive and upbeat, but that deep down the paramedic is worried… really worried.

“Do they think he’s going to make it?” Stella ventures after a beat. Part of her doesn’t want to know, she’s not entirely sure she’ll be able to handle it. She knows it’s gotta be really bad considering how convinced Kelly was that he was going to die and how scared he’d seemed. But the other part of her needs to know. “Give it to me straight, Brett.”

“It’s bad, Stella. I’m sorry,” Brett admits reluctantly. “I saw him when they brought him in… he was a mess. Surgery’s going to take a while, and chances are they’ll have to take breaks to make sure they can keep him stable, but that’s all I know.”

Stella closes her eyes and lets out a slow breath trying to calm her nerves and not think about how badly this day could end.

“Can I see our baby now?” She asks slowly without looking at Brett. She’d imagined right from the start of this pregnancy that Kelly would be right there with her when she brought the baby into the world. She’d imagined she’d give birth naturally, Kelly holding her hand, and the baby getting to see them both as soon as it opened its eyes, not this- not their child, their son, spending his first few hours with some nurses while both his parents fight for their lives. She’s okay now, and she needs to see her son.

“Absolutely,” Sylvie replies gently and gives Stella’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go get Maggie.”

It’s only a couple minutes before Sylvie comes back in the room with Maggie who’s holding a small bundle protectively in her arms. Stella sits up, a nervous excitement bubbling up inside of her, up until now the only thing she’s felt is hollow, the hollowness left behind by no longer having a baby growing inside her and a hollow dread and fear of losing Kelly. But it all slips away as Maggie walks over to her and gently hands the tiny bundle over to her with a warm smile. 

“There you go mama,” Maggie says gently and places the baby in Stella’s arms with a smile.

She’s held babies before, pulled them out of burning houses and crashed cars, she’s even held a couple of her friend’s babies, but none of that could’ve ever prepared her for this, it’s like nothing she’s ever done before. This is  _ her  _ baby, her beautiful baby’s face that she’s staring into, and that’s staring right back up at her with deep blue eyes that look just like his father’s.

“Hey sweetie,” she chokes, the words sticking in her throat. She cradles her son close to her-  _ her son _ … it seems strange almost thinking about it. She has a son. She almost can’t even believe it, she has a son and he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

He blinks at her, but doesn’t make a sound as he continues to look up at her intently. She wishes she could stay like this forever.

***

Sylvie wants to go in and be with Stella and the baby, but it feels like intruding, and from the look on her friend’s face, she’s pretty sure she needs some alone time with her baby.

“Is Stella awake?” the sound of Dr. Halstead’s voice behind her starles her and she turns around to face the doctor who’s walking down the hallway toward her. He looks concerned, and considering the fact that both Stella and the baby are currently fine, it must have to do with Severide. “I need to talk to her.”

“She is,” Sylvie says and steps in front of the door as Will reaches for the nob. “But you’re going to have to wait to give her whatever bad news you have. She’s meeting her son for the first time, she needs time to be happy.”

Dr. Halstead sighs and takes a step back. “Fair enough.”

“So it is bad news…” Sylvie questions. She’d been hoping he’d correct her and tell her that he had good news instead.

“It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s not great,” Will replies.

“What is it?” Brett asks, casting a quick glance through the window at Stella before focusing her gaze on the doctor.

“They got him through surgery, but there was a lot of internal damage and a lot of crush related injuries. He also lost a lot of blood, and was hypothermic, which is probably what saved his life.”

“What’s the prognosis?” Brett asks, shifting her feet.

“He’s still critical, and we’re still not sure if he’s going to wake up, and if he does we’re not expecting him to make a full recovery,” Will replies grimly.

“What do you mean by not making a full recovery?” Brett presses. “Like not walking again or…”

“Not walking again,” Will answers her. “But right now we’re just trying to make sure he makes it through the next hour, which, to be completely honest, it’s not looking like he will.”

Brett sighs and turns back to the window to look at Stella and the baby. Severide’s alive, so that much is good news, but Will doesn’t seem optimistic that he’s going to make it through the next hour or so. It seems wrong to tell Stella and give her false hope if Severide might die at any minute, but it also seems wrong not to tell her, not to give her answers for what she’s up against.

“I’d like to tell Stella, but if you think I should wait, I will,” Will ventures after a moment of silence.

“Would she be able to see him?” Brett asks. The answer to that question is a game changer; if the answer’s yes they can’t not tell her. They can’t rob her of whatever time she has left with Kelly.

“Yes, she’ll be able to go see him,” Will replies.

“Then we need to tell her,” Sylvie says quietly. It still seems so wrong to do it right now, but she needs to know, and she needs to be able to go be with him. If nothing else, her being with him will keep him fighting.

“I’ll give her another minute,” Will says. “Oh, and Matt’s been asking for you, your crew is in with him, but he wants you.”

“Okay, I’ll go see him in a little bit, but I’d like to be with Stella when you give her the news,” Brett replies. Stella’s going to need more than just the comfort of a doctor she barely knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? comments? concerns (apart from my crappy editing. maybe I should find someone to beta read and edit for me lol)?


	3. Chapter 3

Kelly can’t feel much of anything other than how cold he is. It’s not a normal kind of cold, it’s a deep chilling cold that runs deep into the core of his body, like all his insides are frozen. It’s uncomfortable and unnatural, but he’s grateful for it; he’s pretty sure it’s numbed him enough so he can’t feel much of anything else, that’s the only reason he can think of that would explain why he’s not in excruciating pain anymore. He can still feel some of it, but it’s mostly just dull aching pain that he’s aware of somewhere in the back of his mind. He’s also not soaking wet anymore and whatever’s under his head is a lot softer than Casey’s turn out coat; there’s also something beeping close to his head but it’s too quiet, slow, and rhythmic to be a pass device.

“Casey?” he tries to mumble, but no sound escapes his mouth. He tries to shift the position of his hand to feel around for his friend, but something wrapped around his pointer finger stops him. He hadn’t noticed it before, but now he feels it… something small and warm gripping his finger, it feels like a tiny hand but that doesn’t make sense. He’s at the bottom of a deep bottomless pit crushed under a pile of concrete. There’s absolutely no reason for there to be a baby holding his finger. He’s too exhausted to open his eyes to figure out what it actually is, and in all honestly it doesn’t really matter to him. It’s calming whatever it is, so he lets it stay and tries not to question it, but his curiosity wins out and after a couple seconds of mustering what little energy he has left, he opens his eyes.

Everything is blurry for a second as his eyes adjust to the lack of darkness he’s woken up to, but the first thing that comes into focus is the small round face of the beautiful blue eyed baby clinging to his finger with one tiny hand. He blinks once in confusion and everything else comes into focus. The white walled room, the light, the bed he’s on, the blankets covering him, and finally Stella; she’s the one holding the baby, and there are tears in her brown eyes. He very carefully closes his hand around the baby’s hand-  _ his  _ baby…  _ their  _ baby’s hand. It’s the most movement he can muster up, but the presence of that tiny hand wrapped around his finger makes him want to be stronger and fight harder. He wants to fight for this beautiful child he’s helped create, he wants to fight so he can watch him grow up and be whatever he wants to be and have kids of his own.

“Stella…” Kelly manages to mumble, by some spell of luck he actually manages to get sound to come out of his mouth, and she stops staring into space and her deep brown gaze turns to him, relief and joy spreading across her face.

“Kelly?” she breathes, adjusting her position in the chair next to his bed. She sounds like she doesn’t actually believe he’s just spoken to her or that he’s even awake.

He blinks once in acknowledgement, unable to do much else. He wants to assure he’s okay, and say a million things about their child, and he wants to reach around them both and them close, but even the slow blink is exhausting and he can’t seem to make his body do anything he wants it to.

“You have a son,” she chokes, tears still running down her cheeks; he wishes he could reach up and wipe them away for her… she looks pale, like the day has brought her her own set of pain and injuries. “ _ We _ have a son.”

She adjusts the baby in her arms so she’s holding him closer to him, and then plants a soft kiss on Kelly’s forehead.

“He looks so much like you,” she says quietly leaning her head against Kelly’s.

Everything is starting to hurt again, whatever numbness from the cold and probably the cocktail of painkillers he’s on is starting to rub off, but he can’t stop himself from smiling.

“He’s got your nose…” Severide mumbles as his eyes drift closed. He wants to stay awake and soak of the presence of Stella and their baby, but fighting back the darkness folding over him is like trying to fight off a tidal wave. It’s an unstoppable force and he doesn’t have the strength left to fight it back. The best he can hope for is to be able to muscle his way back to the surface after the wave passes, but he’s not so sure he’ll be able to.

***

“Would you guys quit worrying about me?” Matt requests for the upteenth time in an hour. He’s absolutely desperate to get out of his hospital bed that much is easy for Sylvie to tell, but he’s been strictly ordered to stay a 24 hour observation period to keep an eye on his head injury. The doctors all wanted to make sure nothing bad showed up late even though his CT looked fine.

“Is it really so bad laying down to get some relaxation for a change?’ Sylvie asks, intertwining her fingers with his.

“Yes. they could at least let me go see Severide,” Matt says bitterly and glares at the door. 

“Severide is in good hands and Stella’s with him,” Sylvie promises. She knows the only reason they let Stella in with him is because she’s his wife and whatever time he has left they want to make sure she’s there for it.

“But he’s not okay,” Matt says knowingly and the glare he had on his face slips away to much more heartbroken and defeated expression. “Is he?”

“I don’t know Matt,” Sylvie replies with a sigh and leans her head against his shoulder. It’s just the two of them in the room, everyone has gone back to the station with promises to return soon, and none of them have heard anything about Severide’s condition since she and Will talked in the hallway.

“They would be letting us in to see him if he was okay,” Matt points out. He’s had all his focus on fighting to get out of the room for so long that all these things are probably just now starting to sink in.

“There could be a lot of reasons they won’t let you go see him, like how you’re supposed to be taking it easy for starters,” Sylvie says trying to comfort the captain and ease his worries, but she’s doing a bad job at it because she shares his concerns. Her reasurances are just as much for him as they are for her, but she doesn’t believe them so she knows he won’t either.

“Sylvie, can you please just be honest with me?” Casey pleads tightening his grip around her hand, and looking up at her with exhausted blue eyes. She’s really not sure how he’s still plucking along; today has been longer than most people can stand, it was only a couple hours ago that he was stuck at the bottom of a flooding and collapsed parking garage with his best friend dying in his arms. Most people would’ve broken down by now, but not Matt; he’s still keeping it together somehow. “Is he going to die?”

“I don’t know,” She admits. “I’m not a doctor and I don’t have all the details, and even if I did… you should rest, you know that? You’re exhausted and staying awake worrying about Severide isn’t going to do anything.”

Matt closes his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I can’t lose him too, Sylvie.”

There’s not much of anything left she can tell him or promise him that will make him feel better. Will had said it’d probably take nothing short of a miracle to get Kelly though the night. She’s never put much stake in miracles, but it seems like one that he’s made it this far. So maybe, maybe he’ll pull through. If she knows one thing about Severide it’s that he’s a man of many surprises, but these are all really just distant hopes- wishes really.

“I know,” she soothes and ruffles Matt’s hair. She’s not sure if the house will survive a loss that massive, they barely made it through the aftermath of Otis’s death in one piece; losing anyone else will have catastrophic results, and she’s pretty sure at least a couple people would transfer out for good this time.

***

“I’m sorry to do this, but it’s getting late and you’ll have to go back to your room soon,” Dr Manning says apologetically as she finishes going over Kelly’s charts, and hangs the clipboard back on the end of the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Stella says without looking up at the woman. Kelly’s been in and out of consciousness for the past hour and a half, and she’s not going to let him wake up alone, not once; he needs to know her and their son are right there waiting for him, and will continue to be there.

“Stella, I know you want to be here with him, but you just went through major surgery. You need rest,” Dr. Manning argues, but it’s more of a soft pleading.

“I need to be right here with him,” Stella replies pursing her lips and running one hand through his hair. It’s tempting to obey Dr. Manning, she’s tired and whatever painkillers they had her on have worn off since she’s been off her IV so she can be with Kelly leaving behind a dull throbbing pain in her abdomen where they cut her open, but she knows she won’t be able to sleep even if she goes back to her own hospital bed. So she can sit here awake with Kelly or she can go back to bed and lay awake; staying with Kelly is the obvious choice. “I’ll be fine. I’m used to long nights.”

“Fine,” Natalie sighs. “I’ll make sure one of the night shift nurses comes in to check on you in a little while.”

“You’re going home?” Stella asks with only minor interest.

“Yeah, I’ll be back first thing in the morning though,” she replies and gives Stella a comforting pat on the back. “Hang in there.”

Stella waits until Dr. Manning leaves the room to adjust her position in the chair so she’s a little more comfortable, and adjusts her hospital gown so the baby can nurse. He makes a small sound of protest as she gently pulls him away from Kelly’s finger that he’s been intently holding almost the entire time they’ve been in the room, but thankfully he doesn’t cry.

“Psst, Stella…”

Stella jumps a little, startled by the whisper coming from the door behind her. She hadn’t realized she was nodding off until now; she’d kind of just zoned out and lost track of everything. She turns her head enough to see that it’s Casey and pulls her hospital gown back up; the baby’s done nursing and is sound asleep.

“What are you doing up?” Stella asks, biting back a yawn.

“Brett finally asleep…” he starts, craning his neck trying to get a look at Severide from the doorway. “And there weren’t any doctors around so I thought…”

“Come on in, Captain,” Stella says, knowing exactly what the truck captain wants.

“Nobody would tell me how he was doing,” Casey ventures as he shuffles into the room. He looks as tired as Stella feels and the way he’s squinting screams head injury.

“It’s rough, but he’s hanging in there,” Stella says, turning her gaze to Kelly. “He’s doing better than they give him credit for.”

Casey nods and glances down at the sleeping baby in Stella’s arms and does a double take.

“Is that…” He trails off and glances at Stella for a second before returning his gaze to the baby; he gets down on one knee next to her and the baby to get a better look. “He’s beautiful Stella…”

“You can hold him if you want,” she offers.

“Really?” Matt asks, looking taken aback by the offer.

“Of course! He needs to get to know his godfather,” Stella says, offering her son to Casey.

“His- Stella are you sure?” Casey chokes, taking the baby in his arms and holding him close.

“If you want to be,” she replies. It had been an almost unspoken decision she and Kelly had made almost as soon as she found she was pregnant. Casey would be the godfather and Sylvie would be the godmother, and hopefully the two of them would eventually tie the knot. “Kelly and I talked about it a while ago.”

“Okay- I mean yes… yes I’ll be the godfather,” Casey breathes without looking up from the tiny bundle in his arms. “Hey little guy…” he stops and looks up at Stella. “What’s his name?”

The question hits harder than Stella could’ve ever imagined it would, and she ducks her head unable to answer. She and Kelly had discussed baby names, and fought about names, and even made jokes about all the crazy joke names they threw at each other, but they’d never actually decided anything. And she hasn’t even let herself really think about it since all of this started; naming the baby without him just never really crossed her mind, not even with him only hanging on by a thread. It’s not something she’s prepared to do.

“You’re waiting for Severide,” Casey says understandingly, looking back down at his godchild.

“Yeah,” Stella replies hesitantly. “I know it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, but I can’t do it without him.”

“No, it makes perfect sense. I wouldn’t name a baby without Sylvie-” Matt breaks off clearing his throat loudly and his cheeks turn red. “I mean, if we ever had kids… and i- you know what I meant…”

Stella chuckles and shakes her head. For a big tough fire captain, Casey get flustered really easily and she’s always found it very amusing. “You two would make great parents.”

“You two are pregnant?” the dazed mumble from Kelly takes them both by surprise and interrupts Matt before he can get himself entangled any further in his own awkwardness.

“Hey, Kelly,” Stella says leaning forward and taking his hand in hers; he looks the most awake and attentive he has in a long time, but still seems to be dazed and very out of it. “And sadly no, Brett and Casey aren’t pregnant.”

“That’s too bad,” he mumbles and glances up at Casey. “You look like hell.”

Casey smiles and rests his hand on Kelly’s knee. “You should see yourself.”

“From the expression on your ugly mug, i don’t think I want to,” Kelly jokes weakly. His words are still slurred together and he only seems to be half awake, but it’s relieving him even this alert and attentive.

“How are you feeling, man?” Casey asks, taking on a more serious tone.

“Like I got hit by a bus but am being pumped full so many painkillers I can’t feel it,” he mumbles and closes his eyes again.

“The doctors all seemed pretty worried about you,” Casey adds.

“Eh, when aren’t they…” Kelly breathes. 

Stella can tell he’s getting ready to slip back to sleep; he’s getting quieter and his grip on her hand is getting weaker.

“Severide-”

“Glad you’re okay… Casey… house needs you…” Kelly rasps, barely making a sound as his lips form the words.

“Severide? Man, stay awake,” Casey pleads, and looks to Stella with a panicked gaze. 

“He’s okay, Casey,” Stella promises, sliding one hand under Kelly’s neck, and glancing at the monitors that haven’t changed. “He’s just been in and out.”

“Are you sure?” Casey says pensively, rocking the baby in his arms nervously.

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s hard for him to stay awake longer than a couple minutes because of all the medication he’s on,” She explains. She herself had panicked the first time he passed out after a couple minutes of consciousness; she’d been convinced he was about to slip away and die, then Natalie had explained everything to her and promised her wasn’t dying at that very moment.

***

“If you want to get some rest, I can sit awake with him and hold onto the baby,” Matt offers after a long time of both him and Stella sitting in silence. She looks exhausted, more exhausted than he feels, and he’s pretty sure he’d woken her up when he came in the room. She’s had an impossibly long day between the complications with the baby and everything with Severide; he knows how tough Stella is, but he’s still surprised that she’s holding on this well considering her surgery and all the bloodloss.

“I’ll be fine,” she replies, keeping her soft loving gaze on Severide.

“I know you will, but you don’t have to play tough guy here Kidd. You can close your eyes and catch some Zs, and i’ll wake you up if he starts to come too, okay?” Matt promises.

“Matt?” Severide mumbles, getting Matt’s attention and stopping his pacing.

“What's up man?” Casey asking coming back to stand close to the bed. Kelly’s face is scrunched up with pain, but he looks clear headed, the delirious doped up look from earlier is gone.

“Is she awake?” Kelly whispers nodding his head slightly in Stella’s direction.

“No, you want me to wake her up-”

“No!” Severide blurts a little too enthusiastically. “I mean, no. I just want to talk to you…”

“Severide, what’s going on?” Matt asks cautiously and sits down in one of the empty chairs next to the bed. He knows the look in his best friend’s eyes, the hesitation that says all too clearly something’s wrong.

“You’ll take care of them, right?” Kelly asks quietly. Somehow the clarity in his voice is more concerning than his slurred speech from earlier.

“Severide…” Casey begins, but can’t bring himself to finish. This all so wrong. If he promises Kelly he will do it, which he will in a heartbeat, then that only tells him Matt agrees with the doctors’ prognosis. If doesn’t promise him, then that leaves Kelly unassured.

“I mean this is bad, right?” Kelly adds, holding Matt’s gaze for a couple seconds before closing his eyes with a sigh. “I spent my whole life telling myself I wouldn’t become Benny.”

“You’re not, Severide,” Casey says reassuringly. “You’re not.”

“But isn’t this worse?” Kelly asks, opening his eyes again, this time there are tears in them. “I’m still leaving her and my son, Matt… but it’s worse cause I’m not coming back…”

“Kelly, listen to me,” Matt says, stopping him. He’s been around for a lot of Severide’s heartbreak, but he’s never seen him look this miserable before in his life. “What I promised you down in that hole- I meant it. Okay? I’ll take care of them, I promise. But you’ve gotta promise you’ll keep fighting, okay? You’ve come way too far to die now, if you were gonna die it would’ve been in that hole.”

“I’m tired, Matt…”

“You’re not Benny,” Matt says desperately, he can see Severide’s slipping, and not in the way that he had earlier. It’s deeper. “He chose to leave you and your mom when you were little. Leaving was all him, all his choices, but you’re fighting Kelly. You’re trying. This isn’t your fault. You’re not Benny.”

Then Matt does the only thing he can really think to do, and pushes Severide’s son into his arms. Kelly freezes and looks at Matt in surprise before slowly turning his gaze to the baby.

“That’s what you’re fighting for Severide,” Matt says firmly. “I wanna be a dad someday, Kelly. But I don’t want to have to be a dad to your kid. Don’t make me do it, buddy.”

Severide looks up at him with a lost expression but doesn’t say anything and Matt can tell his strength is fading fast.

“Listen, man,” Matt says and squeezes Severide’s shoulder. “You don’t have to stay awake. Me and Stella aren’t going anywhere. You just gotta stay alive, alright? And if that means sleeping for a few days, that’s okay.”

Severide closes his eyes and tucks one hand protectively over the sleeping baby resting on his chest; a slight smile creeps across his scraped up face. “I’m not going anywhere, Matt.”

***

“How’s everyone here doing?” Boden asks, stopping Sylvie on her way back from a coffee for her and Matt.

“They signed Casey’s release paperwork an hour ago, but he’s not going anywhere until Severide is out of the woods,” She replies and sips her much needed coffee. She spent her night in an uncomfortable hospital chair next to what turned out to be Casey’s empty bed, because apparently halfway through the night he got up and snuck off to be with Stella and Severide.

“So Severide is still not doing well?” Boden asks somberly, studying Sylvie.

“He’s still in critical condition, but he’s doing well enough that they took him back into surgery an hour ago-”

“Were there complications?” Boden blurts, interrupting her with an alarmed voice.

“No, there were just a couple things they couldn’t do yesterday because he was so unstable that they’re doing now because he’s improved enough that it’s safe now,” Sylvie explains. She’d been surprised they were doing it this soon and with Severide still in such fragile condition.

“And how’s Stella?”

“This is really hard for her. She spent last night with Severide against doctor’s orders, but they convinced her to go back to bed this morning and gave her some sedatives to help her sleep,” Brett reports. This whole thing has been awful for poor Stella, and she knows her friend is still facing the very possibility that she may have to raise her baby alone, without Kelly. “She’s terrified. She’s scared about losing Kelly, and I think the idea of maybe having to be a single mother is really messing with her.”

Boden sighs and slips his hands into his pockets. “That’s not going to happen. I’ve known Kelly Severide a long time, and he’s too damn stubborn to die.”

“I know, and she knows it too. She’s just scared,” Sylvie replies. “Here, follow me. I’ll take you to her room; I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you when she wakes up.”

“And how are you doing?” Boden asks after they’re a couple steps down the hallway.

“I don’t know, chief. This has been the longest day and night of my life,” She replies sheepishly, hesitant to start spilling her seemingly tiny problems. “My best friend almost died, my boy friend got trapped and almost died, and my best friend’s husband who’s also one of my close friends also almost died… and it’s just a lot to process, you know?”

“Believe me, Brett. I know,” Boden says understandingly and gives her an affirming squeeze on the shoulder.

Sylvie still hasn’t fully recovered from the shock and horror of the previous day, her chest still feels tight every time she tries to breathe, almost like she’s staving off a panic attack. And every time she thinks about what happened, or what almost happened, or even what could still happen, it gets worse, but it’s impossible not to think about. They almost lost three people yesterday, not to mention Ritter and Gallo, who while unsheathed were still in the collapse and also could have easily been killed.

“Look who decided to come in for a visit,” Brett announces quietly as she swings open the door to Stella’s room.

“Hey, chief,” Casey says and stands up as a show of respect. 

“Brett told me they signed your release paperwork,” Boden comments as he and the truck captain share a brief embrace.

“Yeah, but I’m sticking around until I know Severide and Stella will be okay,” Casey explains.

“I tried to tell him to go home,” Stella mumbles and sits up a little. She looks groggy and a little bit out of it, most likely from the sedatives the doctors had given her.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Sylvie scolds and sits down on the edge of the bed next to her friend’s legs.

“The doctors are gonna have to give me something a lot stronger if they actually want me to stay asleep while Kelly’s in surgery,” Stella replies, letting her head fall back onto the pillow. No one had forced her into taking the sedatives, they’d simply been offered as means to help her sleep because she wasn’t going to get there on her own, not with how worried she is about Kelly.

“Stella, you need rest,” Sylvie says gently and places her hand on her friend’s leg.

“Not until I know Kelly’s going to be okay,” Stella replies, and Brett knows she means it. When he’s in danger any regard for her own self preservation goes out the window.

“It seems like every time I leave this room and come back there are more people,” Dr. Halstead says, announcing his presence as he comes into the room. “You’re gonna start giving me stage fright.”

“How’s Kelly?” Stella asks, sitting back up.

Will smiles. “I’m happy to report he’s doing better. He’s got a long road to recovery ahead of him, but he really made a turn for the better last night and his surgery went well. He’s in post op right now, and you can go see him soon.”

Sylvie lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, and for the first time since yesterday when the parking garage came down her chest doesn’t feel so tight. Things might actually be okay.

***

"You know, he still needs a name,” Stella ventures, finally breaking the silence of Kelly’s hospital room. They’ve been sitting together in his hospital bed for what seems like hours just happily soaking up each other’s presence and wordlessly admiring their son.

“So you didn’t do everything without me,” Kelly jokes softly and rests his chin on Stella’s head.

Stella smiles and leans into him a little more, after everything the doctors had been saying the night before it’s still hard to believe they’re actually here, together, having this conversation.

“No, I didn’t do everything,” she replies quietly, and runs her fingers through Kelly’s hair. “Just all the hard stuff... This is something that needs to be done together.”

“How do you feel about Andrew?” Kelly asks after a couple seconds of quiet thought.

“After Darden?” Stella asks. She never had the pleasure of meeting Kelly’s childhood best friend, but she’s heard stories and seen his picture on the wall of 51. 

“Yeah,” he replies without taking his eyes off their son.

“Casey doesn’t have dibs?” Stella jokes. Andy isn’t talked about a lot, and he really seems to still be a sore spot for the two of them.

“Do you see Casey with a baby?” Kelly asks, sounding amused. “No, Casey doesn’t have dibs on the name.”

“I love it,” Stella says lifting her head off Kelly’s shoulder to kiss him on the cheek before settling back down and letting her gaze fall on the baby cradled between them. “... little Andy.”

  
  


A week and a half later….

“Hey, guys let’s go take a ride,” Casey announces, coming into the common room. It’s been a quiet shift, not that he’d ever say it out loud for the emergency gods to hear, and he just got a call from Stella saying the doctors are finally signing Severide’s release papers and he’s going home. He’s not in any condition to be walking yet and he has a long hard road to recovery ahead of him, but being allowed to go home is a positive step in the right direction. 

“Where we going?” Gallo asks, swinging his legs off the couch, and sitting upright.

“Severide’s getting released, so we’re going to show our support. Cruz, you guys should come along to,” Casey says. Cruz has been acting Squad lieutenant since the building collapse.

“Absolutely!” Cruz says, already throwing his magazine down on the table and standing up.

“We’re all going,” Herrmann adds, waving for Ritter to get up to, but he hesitates.

“Are you sure he’ll want to see us there?” Ritter asks, glancing around nervously. The young engine recruit always seems to be thinking about things on a much deeper level than the rest of them, and now that the question’s been posed he might have a point.

“Of course he does! Why wouldn’t he?” Herrmann replies, looking at his candidate with confusion, but Matt gets where the kid is coming from.

“I just mean, he got hurt really bad and the doctors said there’s a chance he might not walk again… let alone get cleared for anything other than desk duty. And that’s a lot to face especially for a guy like Severide, and us all showing up in the trucks… I don’t know it seems a little like teasing him or rubbing it in his face,” Ritter says, glancing around at everyone. 

“Nonsense,” Herrmann declares. “He’ll be overjoyed to see us. We’re his family! And he’s Severide, he’ll be back on the job lickety split.”

The engine lieutenant throws his arm over Ritter’s shoulders and begins walking him toward the bay. “Anyone ever tell you about the time he broke his neck, and kept working for like months before anyone even figured out it was fractured?”

“That happened?” Ritter asks, sounding baffled.

“Would’ve never guessed it, right?”

Matt frowns and pulls on his jacket as he follows the crews out into the bay. He hadn’t really thought about that take before now, but now that Ritter’s said it… He very well may just be right about it. Matt has dropped in to check on Severide a few times during shift over the past week, and while he always seemed happy enough to see him, he did seem a little standoffish. A little bit like he was trying to be happy to see Matt. Stella had seemed to think having a 51 greeting at the doors when he came out would be a good idea, but Casey’s not so sure now.

“Captain, do you think Ritter was right?” Gallo asks a couple minutes down the road, breaking the silence of the truck ride.

Casey sighs and turns his head to look out the window. “We’re Severide’s family, it’s been that way for a long time. He’ll be happy we’re there.”

Matt decides to believe it, for a lot of them 51 is the most family they’ve ever had, for Severide especially. They are his family, not showing up isn’t an option; the only thing that would do for him is make him think that they’ve given up on him. This way, even if he is a little bitter about seeing them, he’ll still know they have his back, and always will. 51 always shows up for its own, and that’s not changing; Kelly will always be one of them even if he can’t ever return to Squad, and it’s their job to make sure he knows that.

“Don’t stress about it kiddo,” Mouch adds. “Ritter’s just worried.”

***

Casey can see Severide do a double take as Stella wheels him outside through the double doors of the hospital then he chuckles to himself and shakes his head. He doesn’t seem at all upset by their presence, and not really surprised either.

“Hey man,” Matt says, taking a few steps toward Kelly. It’s weird not seeing him leaving on his feet, and it’s even weirder how fragile and vulnerable he seems. “We’re here to help you bust out of this joint.”

“You guys didn’t have to do all this,” Severide says, ducking his head almost like he’s embarrassed.

“What are you talking about lieutenant, of course we did,” Cruz says, giving him a pat on the shoulder as he joins Matt next to Severide. “We wouldn’t have missed being here for you, for the world.”

Severide shakes his head a little and looks up at them with a nervous grin. “You guys really didn’t have to. I’m just going home…”

“Yeah, understatement of the year. You’re going home after a close brush with death. You’re crazy if you thought we wouldn’t be here for you,” Casey replies. “We’re all here and we’re all rooting for you. You’ll be good as new and back on the job in no time.”

“Yeah…” Severide mutters, not seeming convinced of anything, and avoids eye contact with Matt. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Look guys, thanks for coming but I’m kind of ready to be home, so uhh…”

“Yeah of course,” Matt says and casts his glance to Stella who’s looking at Kelly with a mix of concern and confusion before she catches Matt looking at her and gives him a little apologetic shrug.

“Then let’s get you home, Kelly,” Stella says and squeezes his shoulder, before wheeling him off toward the parking lot. She throws a grateful smile in their direction as they go.

“Well, worse things have happened,” Mouch says as soon as they're out of earshot.

“Really?” Casey says turning around to face Mouch. It had really gone much better than he expected, and really it hadn’t actually gone that badly, Severide is just not ready to see them all yet.

Mouch shrugs innocently.

“I’m going to go check on him after shift,” Casey says decidedly before giving the signal for them to pile back onto the trucks and head for 51.

***

“Hey Kelly, Matt’s here,” Stella calls to Kelly, but he barely even registers it; he hadn’t even realized someone was knocking at the door. It’s been almost two weeks since the building collapse and everything still seems to be passing by in a dream like haze. There are sometimes he’s not entirely convinced he ever made it out and that this isn’t all just a dream. The only thing that feels solid and real is the baby, he’s like the anchor point keeping Kelly tethered to reality.

“Tell him to come on in,” Kelly replies without thinking about the response. He’s not really up for a visit from anyone from 51 and he doesn’t want Casey’s pity. He’s perfectly happy for it to just be him, Stella and little baby Andy.

“You want a beer?” Casey offers, setting a six pack down on the coffee table in front of Severide.

“Uh, can’t. It won’t mix with the pain meds,” Kelly says, avoiding eye contact with Casey. He can practically feel the pitying look.

“Right, should’ve thought of that. How are you doing, man?” Matt asks, his voice tinged with concern.

“I don’t know, like I got a building dropped on me a week ago,” Kelly shrugs and leans his head against the back of the couch. He wishes there were a way to politely tell Casey to go away.

“Sorry if we overstepped yesterday,” Casey ventures after a couple seconds of awkward silence. “It was my idea-”

“Nah man,” Severide interrupts him, and finally finds it in himself to look Matt in the eyes. “I appreciated it, sorry if it seemed like I didn’t. It was just a lot, you know?”

“Yeah,” Matt agrees with a grim smile. “We just wanted you to know we’ve got your back and that no injury is going to change that. You’re family, man, and we’re all rooting for you to come back.”

Kelly ducks his head; going back to squad has only briefly crossed his mind in passing, but it’s not something he’s given any serious thought to. It used to be his life and the only thing that mattered him. But that was before he held his son in his arms, and now that tiny child is it. As long as he has him and Stella, he doesn’t need squad.

“You’re thinking about retirement,” Casey breathes and struggles to keep his shock off his face.

“I don’t know, Matt,” Kelly replies honestly. “Almost dying and then holding my newborn kid in my arms… it puts things into perspective. I almost missed that, Matt; and don’t want to miss anything, not a single ball game or practice.”

Casey studies him, eyebrows furrowed. “Coming back isn’t going to make you Benny, Severide.”

“This isn’t about Benny, Matt,” Severide snaps. “This is about me and my son and me wanting to be there for him, because it’s what  _ I  _ want, and it’s what he needs.”

“I’m just saying, don’t quit or give up on anything until you’re sure-”

“You think this is me giving up because I got a little banged up on that call? Really?”

“No,” Matt says, trying to dig himself out of the hole he’s rapidly digging himself deeper into. “I just want you to be sure, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide. So will everyone else at 51. Neither of us are as young as we once were, and this has been a reality check for sure.”

“Sorry I jumped down your throat,” Kelly mumbles. Part of him had been geared up to fight Matt on this and even expected to have to; he really wasn’t expecting this side of things.

“It’s okay, Kelly. And if you want to quit and live your life with your family, that’s more than okay. You deserve some rest and peace,” Matt says looking him in the eye. “And you took a big hit.”

“Thanks, Casey. And uh… this conversation stays between us, okay?” Kelly says; Matt seems to get it, but he’s not entirely sure everyone else will and he doesn’t need the entirety of 51 coming to his house one by one to try to talk him into coming back. He wants to make his own choice without everyone else's opinions getting thrown into the mix- the already very confusing mix.

“Of course,” Casey says without hesitation.

“I’m serious Matt. I know how things go in the firehouse, but this  _ needs  _ to stay between us.”

“I know. It will. I won’t tell anyone,” Casey promises. “You seem like you still have a lot of thinking to do about this, and I know how it can be having everyone at the house offering their opinions.”

“Thanks, Casey,” Kelly says, but seriously doubts this is going to stay under wraps for long. Casey will probably tell Brett just because he confides in her about everything, she’ll tell Mackie because with hours of nothing to do on ambo it’s bound to come up. Mackie will tell Gallo who will tell Ritter who will then tell Herrmann, and then Herrmann will tell everyone.

“But you have talked to Stella about this, right?” Matt asks, lowering his voice.

“Yes, we’ve talked about it. She likes the idea of not having to hire a babysitter,” Kelly replies. Her babysitter jab had been a joke and her attempt at making light of things. Then she’d told him the choice was his and that she’d support him no matter what he decided.

“So she’s coming back?” Casey asks slowly.

Kelly snorts; it doesn’t even seem like a question that needs asking… but then again him wanting to try to come back probably didn’t seem like it needed to be asked either. “Yeah, as soon as they clear her for duty she said she wants to go back. So you don’t have to worry about finding a new recruit.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Casey asks.

“Like I’m going to be Andy’s favorite parent,” Kelly jokes. In truth he’ll worry, like he always does, but Stella’s a great firefighter and she loves her job, he’d never ask her to give that up… he’d never even  _ want  _ to ask her to give it up. He’s glad one of them is decided about their future with the CFD.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey! Look who’s back!” Herrmann cries, as his gaze meets Stella’s

She’s greeted with whoops and cheers from everyone else as she walks into the common room for the first time in what feels like forever. She’s picked up her fair share of shifts at Molly’s the last week or so, but it still feels like it’s been forever since she’s seen everyone; it’s different seeing everyone at Molly’s than it is seeing them here at the house.

“How are you feeling Momma?” Mouch asks, standing up to give her hug.

“Good as new and ready to be driving 81 again,” she says cheerfully and hugs Mouch back.

“Aw! Right off the bat she’s reestablishing her dominance!” Casey jokes from where he’s standing next to the counter sipping his morning cup of coffee.

“You’re sure I can’t drive one last shift?” Mouch asks, his tone playful and teasing.

“You’ve had a month and a half to drive that thing, I’m taking my seat back,” Stella laughs. She’s missed the swing of things, driving the truck, the banter with the crew… all of it.

“Are you sure you still know how to drive?” Gallo asks, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Excuse me, what’d you say candidate?” Stella says and puts her hands on her hips.

“Nah-ah-ah. Not candidate anymore, old lady,” Gallo replies, grinning from ear to ear.

“You wanna repeat what you just said?” Stella demands, pinning him down with a playful glare, and making a side mental note to congratulate him on completing his candidacy.

“Why? Did you forget your hearing aides?” Gallo asks, with a victorious smirk.

“Nah, it all sounded like gibberish baby talk to me. Little baby Andy can form better words than you,” Stella retorts, and Gallo opens and closes his mouth a few times trying to find some witty clap back. Ritter gives him a comforting pat on the back.

“It’s okay man, no one wins against Stella with these things,” Ritter says quietly, and hands his friend a cup of coffee. “Drink this.”

“That’s right,” Stella gloats. “Drink the bitter taste of defeat.”

“Alright,” Casey says, chuckling to himself. “How are you?”

“100%, Captain,” Stella replies. “The doctor gave me the all clear and I’m ready for full duty. I got the paperwork in my bag.”

“How’s Severide?” Cruz asks hopefully. She can’t help but wonder if he’s been the acting lieutenant this whole time; she knows everyone here, except probably Matt and Sylvie, are expecting Kelly to make a push to come back, but she’s pretty sure he won’t. He seems pretty committed to the idea of being a stay at home dad, which after everything that happened she’s more than okay with. She’s just sure if he’ll really be happy; he’s not a sit around and doing nothing all day kind of guy.

“He’s walking on his own two feet again,” she reports. “The physical therapist is impressed with how quickly he’s turning it around.”

“Any idea when he’s coming back?” Capp asks. “We miss having him around.”

“Not really sure, guys. He’s still got a lot of recovering to do, and not just physically,” Stella replies. There’s times she worries about him; what happened to him produced a real shock to his system.

“You have paperwork to give to Boden, right?” Casey asks, interrupting the conversation about Kelly.

“Yes, I do,” Stella replies, grateful for the shift in discussion. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stay on that conversation path without accidentally saying something about Kelly thinking about retirement.

“Let’s go get it filed and make sure he knows you’re here.”

“Thanks for the save, Casey,” Stella says once their a little ways down the hallway.

“He’s still thinking he’s not going to come back?” Casey asks, sounding disappointed.

“Yeah, he really hasn’t even talked about doing any of this physical therapy so he can come back here, it’s all just for Andy and being able to do things with him,” Stella replies with a smile. She’s always known Kelly would be a good dad, but she never really imagined he’d give up squad for it. Thinking about him retiring is a bitter sweet thought, she’ll miss him being at work with her, but knowing he’s safe at home is more than she’d ever even let herself hope for.

“You don’t think he’ll get bored?” Casey asks as they reach Boden’s door.

“I’m really not sure. He seems content right now,” She says before opening the door to the chief’s office.

A look of pure joy floods across the battalion chief’s face as she opens the door, and he stands up grinning ear to ear. “Kidd! I thought I smelled something stinking up my house!”

“Happy to see you, too chief,” Stella replies with a laugh and offers him a hand shake. He skips her hand and goes straight for a hug instead. After a couple seconds he pulls away and straightens himself up.

“I’m glad you’re back. The house isn’t the same without you around,” he says clearing his throat. “The place wasn’t the same without you around.”

“Glad to be back, sir,” Stella replies and hands him her papers. “And I’m cleared for full duty, here’s all the paperwork.”

“You’re feeling ready to be back?” Boden asks, thumbing through the papers. “There’s no rush. You’re spot on 81 is safe, if you want to take a few more weeks.”

“Top of my game chief,” Stella reports confidently.

Boden looks from her to Casey and nods. “What’s the word on Kelly?”

Stella glances sideways at Casey who nods and closes the door.

“He’s not sure if he’s coming back,” Stella says, clearing her throat. Kelly had given her permission to tell Boden if he asked. “And he’d like for that to stay between the three of us until he decides for sure.”

The chief nods understandingly. “I never thought Kelly Severide would retire before me. How serious is he?”

“He seems to mean it, at least right now. There’s no saying he won’t get bored down the line and want back in; but this was a real reality check for him, chief,” Stella replies. It was a reality check for both of them. “He wants to make sure he’s around for Andy.”

“Tell him to take all the time he needs, and that no matter what he decides he’s always welcome here, and that 51 is his family.”

“I will, chief. Thank you,” Stella replies, and Boden looks like he’s about to say more, but the bell rings and interrupts him. Stella can’t help but smile a little, everything works exactly the way it used to.

***

Severide can’t remember the last time he saw the station empty; it’s strange and unnatural walking into the station and finding the bay empty and the squad table desolate. 

“Well, Andy, we  _ were  _ going to say hi to mom at work,” Kelly says adjusting his son’s position in his arms, as he turns taking in the empty apparatus floor. It makes him nervous and antsy, like he shouldn’t be here like he should be out on the call with the rest of 51. It also makes him nervous for Stella, whatever call they’re out on, it’s a big one if everyone is out of the house. “Guess we’ll have to do a tour instead.”

He casts one last glance over his shoulder at the empty bay before letting himself inside the main building. The only sounds inside are the noise of air coming in through the ceiling vents and the sound of the TV still playing in the common room. Kelly sighs and makes his way to the couch; he’s half tempted to turn back around and go to the squad table, but the thought of doing that feels wrong somehow. If he’s quitting, then it’s not really his squad table anymore… just like this won’t really be his house anymore- his home away from home. Out of respect, he doesn’t sit in Mouch’s spot on the couch even though the old firefighter isn’t there.

He’d always imagined becoming an old firefighter in this house, hoped for it really. It had always seemed so right, but now he’s not sure. Everything has changed so much for him so fast; being a firefighter was all he’d ever wanted, but now he’s a dad and it seems to be the only thing he wants now.

It’s not long before the sound of the trucks pulling back into the station startles Kelly out of his thoughts and brings him back to reality.

“Now that’s not a sight I ever thought I’d see,” Mouch says coming into the common room shaking his head happily. “Kelly Severide with a kid.”

“What are you talking about?” Herrmann declares with a mischievous tone his voice. “I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner with the amount of-”

Mouch cuts him off with a scolding glare and Herrmann just shrugs innocently.

“You wanna hold him?” Kelly offers, ignoring Herrmann’s comment.

“Of course I do!” Herrmann says reaching out his hands to take Andy. “Come’er big guy!”

“Hey! Lieutenant!” Cruz dealers gleefully, obviously thrilled to see him, as he comes through the door followed by Casey, Gallo, Ritter, and finally, Stella.

“See, I knew you couldn’t survive more than a couple hours without me,” Stella teases lovingly and scoots past Cruz to get to him.

“No, I just knew you couldn’t survive a couple hours without me and Andy, so i decided to come down to the house,” Kelly replies softly as Stella wraps her arms around him and rests her chin on his shoulder. He didn’t realize until now how much he really needed the hug from her.

“So when are you planning on making your triumphant return?” Cruz asks, walking over to the counter to retrieve an apple.

“Yeah, the house really isn’t the same without you around,” Herrmann adds, bouncing Andy gently on his hip.

Kelly pulls himself out of Stella’s hug and rests his arm over her shoulder as he looks around the room. For the longest time, this place was home, the single balanced constant in his life, and in many ways it always will be. And all these people are his family. It feels wrong to walk away from it, but in many ways it also seems so right. He glances to Stella, who sadly doesn’t hold the answers he’s looking for only the key to his heart, she and Andy are the only things he needs.

“I don’t think I am, Cruz,” Severide finally says. Telling them he’s not sure would’ve been easier, but they’re his family and they all deserve to know the truth. There’s a shocked silence. “I haven’t decided anything for sure yet, but I almost died before getting to meet my kid so it gave me a lot to think about. I don’t want to miss a second of watching him grow up.”

Herrmann is the first one to break the leftover silence after Severide finishes his explanation, and he has a big smile on his face as he does so. “I never thought you’d retire before me and Mouch. And I feel inclined to talk you out of this because you’re the best damn firefighter I’ve ever seen, but I’m not gonna. If it’s what you feel the need to do for your kid, then you go right on ahead and do it. We’ll all have your back no matter what you decide. Besides, looking at this cute little face, I can’t say I blame you.”

“I’ll drink a toast to that after shift!” Mouch agrees and gives Kelly a pat on the shoulder. “Retirement with a nice family is the best thing you can hope for in this job. We’re happy for you.”

Cruz still looks stunned and confused, but he nods his head in agreement. “You do what you have to do lieutenant.”

“Thanks man,” Kelly says and gives him a firm handshake. If he decides to go through with this, after all, he’ll have to recommend Cruz for a promotion to lieutenant. He can’t think of any better hands to leave squad three in. 

Then he looks across the room to Casey, who gives him a simple affirming head nod. It's a simple gesture, but it says everything that needs to be said as they reach a silent understanding. A long time ago he, Casey, and Darden had joked about running the house together someday; one of them as chief and the others as captains, and then eventually retiring together. They were young, dreams were dreams, and ambition was everything. Then things had changed. Darden had died. Sev had still hung onto the idea of running the place with Casey someday, and he’s pretty sure Casey did too. But there are some things worth letting go of ambition for. Family is definitely one of those things, and Casey understands that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that chapter was significantly shorter than the previous ones, but I feel like it worked??? thank you so much for all of the kind comments you all left on this fic! and don't worry! I will be writing plenty more Chicago Fire fic in the future!

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? Comments? Concerns?


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